Thinking about the future
Eventhough I try not to think about the future, I can't help it. I spend most of the days in bed just thinking about the problems I have and how my future is going to be. I try to take pills so I can fall asleep and don't think about anything. If you can read my previous journal you'll understand where I'm coming from. I can't picture myself in that low income apartment full of mice and just by myself with so many thefts, vandalisms and everything that occurs in that neighborhood. Now I know where my depression and anxiety are coming from, so many pills for nothing. I'm so disgusted with this situation that I don't know what to do. If my mother passes away before I do, I think I'm going to go crazy, because I live with her in her house, which is a duplex, one of my sisters live on the back, but I would have to pay all the expenses including the taxes in half. I can't handle that, so the apt. is the only option I have. And my family knowing that I am Bipolar hasn't offered any help in case something happens. I don't want to bother any of you with my problems, but DS is my family. If you have any suggestions, please, let me know. Hugs and Kisses, Ivonne(Bonchi)
Replies
sometimes when things look so hopeless it\'s hard to find the good or positive things in your life. So, here are a few you might think about. Your mother is alive and you have the chance to spend time with her, other people dont have their mothers. You have a roof over your head, not having to sleep outside in the cold and snow has to be a plus. You woke up this morning to live another day. I know things can be overwhelming and seem hopeless. I have a disease that makes things really difficult sometimes. If I start thinking about the prognosis of this and get down on myself about not being able to do stuff, like walk up the stairs, it gets sooo much worse. So, I hope you can see that this too shall pass, I kno it sounds so cliched but it\'s true. Try to focus on the positive no matter how small and I promise it wont feel as hopeless
well i know its a scary thought, cuz i go thrrough the same thing, but could you get a roomate? maybe someone through a church, (not that that makes them fully safe- but if they know other people there it helps)
It sounds like a terrifying prospect, living alone like that. I agree with Niki and Mary, things will get better and maybe you can look into sharing the expenses with someone else in a roommate situation. I don\'t know where you live right now and what your resources look like, but there are other areas of the country where you can live for less and not have to worry about the crime and danger. Here in Maine you can rent a whole trailer on land in the middle of nowhere for less than $1000 a month. You can plant a garden and keep your kids out of trouble too :) I know things are hard right now honey but you can\'t worry about what might be. Enjoy the life and the health you have right now. Spend time with your mother while you can. Embrace your friends and family and be glad for the air you breathe today. We love you, you can make it through this.