Thinking about the future

Eventhough I try not to think about the future, I can't help it.  I spend most of the days in bed just thinking about the problems  I have and how my future is going to be.  I try to take pills so I can fall asleep and don't think about anything.  If you can read my previous journal you'll understand where I'm coming from.  I can't picture myself in that low income apartment full of mice and just by myself with so many thefts, vandalisms and everything that occurs in that neighborhood.  Now I know where my depression and anxiety are coming from, so many pills for nothing.  I'm so disgusted with this situation that  I don't know what to do.  If my mother passes away before I do, I think  I'm going to go crazy, because I live with her in her house, which is a duplex, one of my sisters live on the back, but I would have to pay all the expenses including the taxes in half.  I can't handle that, so the apt. is the only option I have.  And my family knowing that I am Bipolar hasn't offered any help in case something happens.  I don't want to bother any of you with my problems, but DS is my family.  If you have any suggestions, please, let me know.  Hugs and Kisses, Ivonne(Bonchi)