Thinking about stuff

I've been doing a lot of thinking today. I didn't have to go to work since it was my day off. I slept in a bit, and wasn't feeling that great in the morning. It didn't help that I had pizza for breakfast. It upset my stomach enough that I didn't eat anything until dinner. My calories are low for the day, but not super low. I thought they were going to be lower since I just had 2 meals, but it's not. I even have room for a granola bar if I get hungry. I don't think I will, but you never know. I have to go to sleep early tonight for therapy tomorrow. I'm not tired yet, but I think if I relax and talk on the phone like I normally do I should be okay. If not, I can take a sleep klonopin. I have anxiety klonopin (.5mg) and sleep klonopin (1-2mg). 
Anyways, back to the stuff I was thinking. I realized that the reason I've been having stomach problems is because of all the drama with my sister. I wish she didn't have to cut me out of her life... I love her. But it's her decision to make me choose, and I'm not going to. So she's making the choice for me. I'm sure it's a hard choice for her to make, but she feels it's necessary. I just hope she knows that I still love her, and when she gets over this I want to be back in her life again. I'm going to be talking to my therapist about this tomorrow. That and the whole thing with work. I'm feeling better about going in, but at the same time I don't know how long that feeling will last. I know  getting out of the house is good for me, but I want to feel useful. I don't feel needed at work most of the time now, so I don't like going. Ever since they took me out of Managed Care I haven't felt needed. I just sit at a desk with no computer or phone, and give people a list to sign if they want to schedule an appointment. Everything is going on the list now, and so I'm not needed to make appointments. So I feel useless. I guess we will see what my therapist says tomorrow about all this. I may just take some time off of work for a bit.