Thinking!
Why is it at night when I get to think about so many things? I wonder about my dead cousin and my family and me and juanita and scooby. Ill start off with this. Today would have been my cousin's 25 birthday. I had lunch today with his mom and sister and her fiance. It kinda made it special. My family has been fighting since sept of 2011. I kills me they fight after losing someone so close to them. I still wonder if I will ever gain juanita's trust back. But everytime I try to talk to her about it she doesnt want to and I dont know if its cause she just wants it to stay in the past now or if she just dosent wanna see me hurt over it. I hurt like hell still over it. I worry about scooby monday he will be 6 weeks old usually when you can take them away from there mom into your own home and keep him forever. Scobby is the runt and we have been having to feed him the can of milk from the pet store because his brothers are so much bigger than he is they push him away at feeding time. So he's lost alot of vital nutrients. We are getting him some stuff tomorrow that is suppose to boost his weight and energy. I just want him to be ok. So I come to yall with this too. You on here on daily strength are the only people who really know me and know what I go through on a day to day basics. I have a facebook and some good good friends but yall are all more like family. I pray for all of you at night. I speak of you to juanita. I worry about yall. You all truely mean the world to me. And This is such a strengthing website. Yall dont know how often I come here upset and some of the most inspirtional things you say keep me going. Just wanted to say thanks to all my family here on dailystrength.
Replies
Sending lots of prayers for little Scooby, our late Sadie was thee runt of the litter, and when she was suddenly dropped off at our home they did not think she would live. I fed her goat milk during the day, and a little canned dog food at night. She was tiny, full of worms, and had been tossed around by little children, she was only 5 1/2 weeks old. We took her to the vet, got her wormed, started on her shots, and well she grew, gained weight, and became our precious baby girl, until her back gave out last year.
You are not the same young woman who cheated, you know it was wrong, and it appears you learned the importance of keeping our committments. You were and are very young, sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to do, Juanita has forgiven you, now forgive yourself. I think you are also a christian, and when Christ forgives us, he forgets the transgression. You have grown, you are wiser, and hopefully that is a mistake you will not make again. I would suggest not discussing it with Juanita if she does not want to, it is in the past and she probably wants to focus on the happy things in life. If you are feeling bad about it, maybe just do something kind and loving instead of bringing it up. Give her a back rub and tell her how much you appreciate her.
I agree with you this is a strengthing website, see ya on the boards.
Was nice chatting with you the other night. One thing I was going to mention is that it\'s ok to forgive yourself. Make amends to yourself. it\'s a life lesson. Make a list of all the great things you have going for you. Don\'t dwell on the past. It doesn\'t deserve to continue to take up space in your mind and heart. I often go to bed at night and think about everything. It\'s sometimes hard to shut down and relax. But I have learned to meditate. I can\'t stop my mind from thinking about stuff so i let it in. Acknowledge it and let it drift off. it\'s done. Accept the things you can work on that are positive and validate your worth and let go of the things you don\'t have control of.
When I was using drugs I wasn\'t in the best place to be the mom I needed to be. i can\'t change history. I feel guilty for how i was but I can live by example now and my kids see that I am different and also much happier.
I wish you both the best. ((hugs))
So Happy u still fight the gud fight :)
Hun forgive u k and jus keep being u
:)
-Dia