Things that make you go Hmmm??

Ha. Ha.. So yesterday I took my 10 year old daughter and 2 of her friends to see New Moon..OMG.I loved that movie..I have got to read the books though.I love to read but dont have time..anway Eclipse comes out June 2010..Already looking forward to that..Which is nice because lately I dont look forward to much of anything..I am such a downer lately..I have a wonderful beautiful family that I adore and they love me..But I cant learn to love myself.I hate me..I am ugly fat and disgusting..I avoid pictures..I avoid people..I have to make myself go anywhere..I go to work because I know i have to..But like yesterday,we went to the movies..I was excited and happy until I meet  up with my friends.They are so beautiful and I am so yuck...I feel like I dont fit in..And I diet..OMG I have been dieting since Bella was born and yes I have lost the pregnancy weight but now I am just stuck with all of this leftover fat..I hate it..Whats wrong with me?Why cant I lose it?Why cant I learn to love me for me?..I have a few friends here that are sooooo supportive.You know who you are and if it werent for them I dont know where I would be today..I question life too much..all of the whys and what ifs...how do you ever find the answers.Do you ever find the answers.....