Things still looking up
In spite of me having those bumps along the way, I consider myself very fortunate . Things are coming along well. I finally got a temporary crown til the real one comes in (16th) I even got fitted in for a cleaning later this week (long overdue) Was at my eye surgeon's yesterday. Both eyes are doing great. Left is staying put this time (but she is leaving stitches in a little longer to be safe. ) Right one is getting even sharper vision (some reading too. woo-hoo)
Today is 1 year since Dave passed. I have thought about him quite abit recently. Wanted him to know I really did love him and am sorry I was not there more emotionally for him for so long. (When he shut down, I was so hurt and kind of did as well.) I was hoping I would get some sort of sign that he did and all was ok, but alas... nothing again. Made me think things are still the same.... no communication or feeling. But I have decided that I did try to confess to both him and God and I KNOW whetehr they do or not. I have finally been going through more stuff and tossing . Part of my problem was that I tried to be a helpful packrat... saving this for this one or being sure someone may need or want this. I don't have time to play matchmaker with stuff I no longer want or need... Unless something major .. it's getting tossed. I am finally starting to think more about getting out of this house and on with my life... whatever that holds in store for me. I am excited but scared as hell just where that may lead me.
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do you use nextdoor.com? it is a good tool to sell/give away stuff.....they have a for sale or free section on it.....I have taken and given a bunch of stuff that I no longer needed.....
glad eyes are starting to clear up....I would be one mean mo fo if I could not see..... ;-0)
Never tried that site. There are local listings on FB for "yard sales" in my area where they pic and list. Was gonna try there.
try nextdoor.com....it is a fun site of just people living around your area.....
I read a sign a while back that is my new motto : ‘life starts outside our comfort zone’
We can look at it two ways; be fearful of change or get excited about trying something new.
I imagine that you having a new place to live will be very good for you.
Glad all your upgrades are going well. I know all about the crowns. After my accident I had four and three implants. Fun times:)
A year, wow, that’s some real stuff right there. Hugs :)
Hi Kim. Have you considered moving into a RV? Check out Bob Wells CheapRVLiving.com. There are many women doing it. It might be something that you’d enjoy. A whole new life. Hugs.
J-- I do get excited with new beginnings.... I do have to struggle with some past demons though as they did teach me too well to be afraid. (but as I look at their lives, I see they also never took those chances and stayed unhappy.) It would be a bit easier if 2 of them were not alive and kicking and all too eager to "share" their unhelpful advice if I dare open up to them. (I have learned MUM is the word with them. LOL)
LB-- I have thought about RV living in the past. Actually Dave and I did dream about it... but was never to be. While I would love to do some exploring and meet new people, I do not really drive far out of the way (afraid of getting lost. although I am getting braver with my trusty phone app. But is usually for necessity, has not been for fun... yet anyway. ) If I ever do come across another who would also like to, maybe then I would be bold enough to try it. Plus , at this point, I've still gotta work. (So much for the American dream. lol)
Just as much as I love meeting new friends here (and chatting your poor ears off) I have learned I do also enjoy seeing new sights and meeting others. This life was not intended to quietly hide away and wait it out. I have done that for too long. Just need a little help sometimes prodding me out of it. haha (AS I would try to do for anybody else.
Thanks everyone for the kind support and encouragement.
Kim
Feeling gratitude is such a great tool to help make sense of the past and to keep getting up for tomorrow.
I don’t know what happens to us after we die but I like to think we somehow attain perfect knowledge, that we know exactly how our actions affected others, that we know they intended no harm to us, etc. and it all is crystal clear. So I think he knows. It’s the people still alive who have to grapple with the guilt, the unresolved feelings, etc. Maybe the sign you are looking for is simply your ability to acknowledge you loved him and are sorry. That is powerful stuff. Forgive him and forgive yourself. That is it.
And yeah once you start purging stuff, it gets easier., almost like you can’t stop, haha! When we downsized in 2019, I was ready. Kept a few treasures but honestly it is very freeing to just start letting go of “stuff.” It just physically, mentally and emotionally weighs you down. So I say purge until you can no longer purge!
Glad you are in a good place right now!