Things I Wish I Could Do
(I know now that I'l be able to in a year or two, I just have to make it until then. That's gonna be the hard part.)
Go on dates without having to worry about how bad it's going to make me feel.
Get up in the mornings and throw on whatever I want without having to worry about covering up all my patches.
Sleep through the night without my pain waking me up.
Get through a whole class without sleeping, or be able to focus and actually remember what I learned.
Go through the day without being self conscious about smelling like Bengay.
Not have to stop every couple hours to take pain pills.
Not have to worry about taking 10+ pills every morning and night.
Make it to school more than 2 or 3 days a week.
Go for runs without hurting for the rest of the day.
Play mellophone with my boyfriend for an entire marching band season.
Write this without my hands burning later.
Wake up feeling semi-rested.
Eat without feeling like throwing it back up.
Keep this 4.0 GPA - even though it's getting tougher every day.
Make every academic team and band practice and actually feel like going to them.
And win all the awards at competitions, like I used to.
Socialize, just because I feel like it.
Make new friends.
Keep the ones I already have.
Worry about homework and boys and drama, like a normal teenager, instead of my medical conditions.
Be emotionally stable enough to be able to support those people in my life who need it, not vice versa.
Go an entire day with my pain level at or below a 3.
Not have to constantly worry about what the next day will bring.
And, most importantly, to just be content with my life and the way things are going. To be happy again. I know I will be eventually, it's just going to take a while for my body to heal again. It's going to be a rough year. But maybe I'll make it.. I'm struggling to, but I think it's possible.
Go on dates without having to worry about how bad it's going to make me feel.
Get up in the mornings and throw on whatever I want without having to worry about covering up all my patches.
Sleep through the night without my pain waking me up.
Get through a whole class without sleeping, or be able to focus and actually remember what I learned.
Go through the day without being self conscious about smelling like Bengay.
Not have to stop every couple hours to take pain pills.
Not have to worry about taking 10+ pills every morning and night.
Make it to school more than 2 or 3 days a week.
Go for runs without hurting for the rest of the day.
Play mellophone with my boyfriend for an entire marching band season.
Write this without my hands burning later.
Wake up feeling semi-rested.
Eat without feeling like throwing it back up.
Keep this 4.0 GPA - even though it's getting tougher every day.
Make every academic team and band practice and actually feel like going to them.
And win all the awards at competitions, like I used to.
Socialize, just because I feel like it.
Make new friends.
Keep the ones I already have.
Worry about homework and boys and drama, like a normal teenager, instead of my medical conditions.
Be emotionally stable enough to be able to support those people in my life who need it, not vice versa.
Go an entire day with my pain level at or below a 3.
Not have to constantly worry about what the next day will bring.
And, most importantly, to just be content with my life and the way things are going. To be happy again. I know I will be eventually, it's just going to take a while for my body to heal again. It's going to be a rough year. But maybe I'll make it.. I'm struggling to, but I think it's possible.
Replies
I know how you feel. I wish I could do so many things I used to do and it frustrating because I can\'t. It hard to realize that we are blessed for what we can do. Right now I am still fighting within myself and am angry sometimes because why have I had to m iss out on so much of live. It so hard not to be able to be a teenager and it isn\'t fair. I didn\'t get to do any teenage stuff. I was taking care of my mom who was chronical ill. I was more like a parent. I didn\'t do anything but go to school. and come home. I missed to so much. What ever you can enjoy go for it. I can see you are a perfectionist. I was too. It hard to just let things be and enjoy when you want things perfect. Try to not feel like everything has to just right. Enjoy what you can and if it not perfect that is ok.
I can\'t imagine how hard it must have been. Fortunately my mom is healthy and doesn\'t need much care, if she wasn\'t I\'m not sure how much I could help... Thank you. I\'m trying to be more positive about all this, it\'s just hard. I\'m sure you can relate. I\'ve been having a bad spell of pain from nerve damage and then was diagnosed with mono earlier today. It\'s really discouraging.