Things I didn\'t know & a new understanding

Life is a learning experience.  Sometimes it is really great, other times strange and difficult.  We go thorough various phases and at the same time try to help others through the phase in which they are moving. Since we are all so very different, I don't believe that any of us are aware of how much good or pain we can cause another. The bottom line here is that not only are we fragile as people, but life is also fragile.  During my life it has been very important for me to be able to reach out and help others in various of life's situations.  I have a new understanding.  Having gone through watching both parents have serious health problems, I didn't know before how very difficult it is to wacth a spouse go through these things.  I have a new understanding about this.  My sweet husband will be under the surgeon's knife very early on Tuesday. Having been a nurse and assisting others going through these things, I didn't know how truly lacking in wisdom we are all in trying to help.  I have a new understanding!  What people need it not to be told about their faith and what God will or will not do.  What they really need is to have someone actually care for them.  Put an arm around them, let them cry and cry with them if it is for real.  Please NO FAKE TEARS. We are both Christians and our relationship with our Lord is good.  Our prayer life is also good.  In fact, we talk with God on a regular basis sometimes as often as every 10 minutes, other times only 3 - 4 times per day.   I didn't know before that sometimes it is so very uplifting to have someone else pray WITH and for us.  Not to pray one of those "lecture" prayers, but really from the heart.   I know that if my husband does not make it through this very serious heart surgery that he will "be in a better place."  I have confidence in that or would not be able to stand at his side during this.  I have a new understanding about this.  Reminding people about our afterlife with God during a crisis is very hurtful.  As Christians we already know that.  What we need is someone giving us a hug, holding our hand or just sitting quitely with us during this time.  It is not necessary to talk all the time. But it is necessary to let them know that they are not alone and that you really care.  Sometimes silence is the only support that we need and shows that we are really with & giving support to the person in crisis.   When the person who is going through it is ready to talk, you will know. A new understanding of how to help.  During those moments of long silence these people are alone in their prayers and thoughts.  Let it be.  If you become uncomfortable with the silence, don't say good-bye and leave unless it is really necessary.  But, do quietly get up, excuse yourself and bring back a cup of water, coffee, tea or soda.  Don't ask if it is wanted!  That unsolicited gesture is so reassuring.  If it sits there for a long time, don't despair!  You have given a gesture of love and it was accepted that way.  Please don't tell us that you will be praying for us unless you really mean it.  So many Christians us this phrase as a way to get out of an uncomfortable conversation or situation.  My new understanding here is that if you are led, pray quietly and maybe even silently while holding that person's hand.  Don't wait until you forget.  Intercessory prayer is so important to each and every Christian.  Don't lose your opportunity for a blessing by forgetting. I didn't know how lonely a person can feel in a life threatening situation like ours.  We have real fear.  Both for each other and for ourselves.  Hubby has to deal with the fact that his heart will be stopped during this surgery.  He wonders if he will open his eyes again in this world or the next.  He worries about me and what will happen to me if he is in the next world.  (Life is short and we have so much perceived unfinished business.) He worries about becoming an invalid after the surgery and does not want to be a burden to me if this becomes a fact.  He will have approximately 6 months of recuperation and is concerned that he will lose his mind during that long period.   I, too, worry about these same things.  We have spoken over and over about his final wishes.  I think I could quote them in my sleep. Then in comes the fear "what happens if he really does not make it through this surgery?"  Yes, I am assured that he will be with God, but I will miss him so much.  I worry about our children worrying about me and trying to push me into moving closer (that has been insinuated in the past.)  Yes, when the worry comes I pray and know that it will be all right. I cannot cry at this time.  My husband becomes so frustrated when he sees tears in my eyes because he knows it is something deep that he cannot help me with.  Yes, he is correct on this one.  Yet the stress and pressure are so heavy.  I have a new understanding about the pressure in my chest.  It is the overflow of tears drowning my emotions.  When I let the tears flow the pressure will ease up.  Until then I will do as my doctor suggested - "take those anti-anxiety meds until this is over." I also have a new understanding on how vulnerable we feel during this type of crisis.  I wish my children were closer and yet am happy that they are not.  This way they don't have to see us at the beginning of this emotional time.  But I feel so alone.  I have a new understanding about that too.  Friends are great, but there is nothing like the love that abides within a family.