Things I can be thankful for - or not...
I am very thankful that I never said to my mother many of the things that my daughter has said to me.
The most recent was that I was not a good parent.
And I did not respond that she was not a good daughter, either.
The thing is, she has not been = not ever.
So, I suppose we're even.
I am very thankful that I was able to be kind to my mother in the last couple of decades of my life - we did not have a very good relationship when I was a child. I worked hard to be good to her, and I have no regrets - except that I was forced to leave her in the nursing home for the last 2 years of her life.
Although I've tried to have a good relationship with my daughters, I'm coming to the point where I have to stop talking to the older one, because she is a cruel person. I've reached a time in my life where I have limited tolerance for cruelty, and after living with my granddaughter, who is a manipulative, self-centered, abusive teenager, I need a rest.
Well, the last thing I needed to hear was that I wasn't a good parent - because I've already come to the conclusion that I wasn't a good daughter, or a good wife, or a good sister, or a good employee, or a good friend. So, now my failure is complete. I guess I'm just not a good person.
I've been depressed for the majority of my adult life. I kept going, though, and survived it all.
Now I'm turning 60 in November, I have no friends and, it seems, no family. I have lost both my parents and 2 of my 3 brothers, and the remaining brother cost me so much over the last decade that I am bankrupt, my home has been foreclosed upon, and I am trapped in my mother's house reliving my miserable childhood.
I want to start over - completely. There is a chance that I could manage that, provided my granddaughter can begin her adult life and live elsewhere. You see, when I get this house ready, I'm going to sell it - and according to the lawyer, there will be some money left for me to start over.
But, I want to live alone.
When I was a child, living in my parent's house, I couldn't do anything right. When I was married, living with my husband and trying to raise my children, I couldn't do anything right. I lived with a boyfriend once, and had to sell the house and move out of state and it still took him a year to break up with me - he just wouldn't leave me alone. Then I lived with my brother, who really believed that I owed it to him to support him, and his failing business, which bankrupt me and forced me here. Then there is my granddaughter...
I can't keep living with people that don't cooperate with me. I can't keep living with people that insult me, put me down, and make me do all the work for them, then sit there complaining that I didn't do a good enough job of it.
I'm so tired.
The most recent was that I was not a good parent.
And I did not respond that she was not a good daughter, either.
The thing is, she has not been = not ever.
So, I suppose we're even.
I am very thankful that I was able to be kind to my mother in the last couple of decades of my life - we did not have a very good relationship when I was a child. I worked hard to be good to her, and I have no regrets - except that I was forced to leave her in the nursing home for the last 2 years of her life.
Although I've tried to have a good relationship with my daughters, I'm coming to the point where I have to stop talking to the older one, because she is a cruel person. I've reached a time in my life where I have limited tolerance for cruelty, and after living with my granddaughter, who is a manipulative, self-centered, abusive teenager, I need a rest.
Well, the last thing I needed to hear was that I wasn't a good parent - because I've already come to the conclusion that I wasn't a good daughter, or a good wife, or a good sister, or a good employee, or a good friend. So, now my failure is complete. I guess I'm just not a good person.
I've been depressed for the majority of my adult life. I kept going, though, and survived it all.
Now I'm turning 60 in November, I have no friends and, it seems, no family. I have lost both my parents and 2 of my 3 brothers, and the remaining brother cost me so much over the last decade that I am bankrupt, my home has been foreclosed upon, and I am trapped in my mother's house reliving my miserable childhood.
I want to start over - completely. There is a chance that I could manage that, provided my granddaughter can begin her adult life and live elsewhere. You see, when I get this house ready, I'm going to sell it - and according to the lawyer, there will be some money left for me to start over.
But, I want to live alone.
When I was a child, living in my parent's house, I couldn't do anything right. When I was married, living with my husband and trying to raise my children, I couldn't do anything right. I lived with a boyfriend once, and had to sell the house and move out of state and it still took him a year to break up with me - he just wouldn't leave me alone. Then I lived with my brother, who really believed that I owed it to him to support him, and his failing business, which bankrupt me and forced me here. Then there is my granddaughter...
I can't keep living with people that don't cooperate with me. I can't keep living with people that insult me, put me down, and make me do all the work for them, then sit there complaining that I didn't do a good enough job of it.
I'm so tired.
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