things have calmed down once again

Yo yo yo peeps! Haha, just thought I'd be a dork. Any ways, tonight was a repeat of last night as far as the bingeing goes, but I didnt actually purge. I was so close, I literally had my finger down my throat ready to run to the bathroom, but I decided to try and reach out for help so I went on to DS to send out an SOS and luckily Dannielle was there to talk to. We chatted on aim for awhile and that really helped to dsitract me. She helped me think through things rationally.   For a treatment update, we've finally settled on a treatment plan for the next couple of months at least. At first I was having second thoughts about doing treatment at all because I thought it was inpatient or nothing. But then some people helped me to think through how traumatizing inpatient would actually be especially for someone my age to be away from home for that long at only 15. So I thought, Ok lets give outpatient a try and see if that works. I've learned that with treatment, you go in steps, like first you try a dietician and a therpist, then you try outpatient, then inpatient is a last resort. So I'm finally and definitely going to Walden Behavioral Day Center 's outpatient program. It is on mondays, thursdays, and fridays from 3:30 to 7:30 and I'm really apprehnsive. There's no backing out now, beause I know how badly I need this. But I'm still so nervous! School starts in two weeks. I'm nervous but excited for various reasons. I want to see my friends again and have some structure to my day because this summer I've kind of just wandered around and mosied everywhere. My mom said she'd take me back to school clotehs shoppin so I"m excited about that. I want to go to T.J. Maxx becuase they have the cutest clothes and they're really cheap. I used to be such a name dropper in middle school and my parents bought me all the clothes and things i wanted and in the end i think it was wise of them to do that, because it wasn't long before I figured out on my own that money and labels and status mean absolute shit. It got to the point where I was like "So what if I don't dress exclusively in abercrombie and hollister!"(btw Hollister is actually rather affordable but abercrombie? pfffht! their jeans cost more than i weigh!!!!!!!! not to mention their sizes run disgustingly small and it's an enormous trigger.)Hmmm, what else is there...nothing much. Just bumming around. Looking for things to do. Almost done with my summer reading book, "The Lone Wolf and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven." It's actually not as horrendous as I expected. It's pretty doable. LOVE YOU ALL Megs P.S. This might be a stupid question, but I was wondering-do any of you guys absouely DETEST the feeling of full? I mean, like LOATHE it? I hate it and everytime I feel full, I freak. Not even stuffed, just full even from a healthy normal sized meal I hate the feeling I sspect it may have something to do with likeing the emptiness and thinking it rpoves that im strong or something. Oh well. Just thought I'd thrwo that out there.