Things can't get any worse, right?
OH YES THEY CAN!
I just received word I'm getting an inheritance. Who doesn't want an inheritance? ME.
I didn't even bother to ask how much (probably isn't much anyways), because just the fact that I'm getting one, AND some family members have been excluded AND my father's about to find out about it.... EEEEEEEE!!!!
OMG, I'm not even going to be able to answer the phone for the next year. Because the family is gonna go nuts, I'm gonna get yelled at, accused of being greedy, blah blah blah.... And I'm already bucking the instructions - the attorney wants everyone to sign the receipts for the check BEFORE receiving the check in the mail.... I don't think so! So here comes the family pressure!!!
Ok, Deep Breath.
Good news - roofer says he'll cover his mistake - THANK GOD.
OH NO... my father told me last week he's coming out to visit me in July! (fingernails on a chalkboard - then gnawing on them).
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(2 hours later) Ok, tried calling friends - they're all out for the evening, possibly the weekend. Can't call my favorite sister - she didn't get an inheritance. So bear with me.... I need to vent and this is the only place I can go right now (even the dogs are picking up that I'm agitated).
My family is HUGE and TOTALLY DISFUNCTIONAL. GEES. Here goes....
Dad - tried to kill my mother in front of us kids during their divorce.... I was 12 and was the one who called the police (to this day, he thinks Mom called). They arrived just in time (she just had some severe bruising). Dad DID NOT get arrested... WHY? Because Grandpa (now deceased) was a deputy sheriff and it got swept under (before domestic violence laws). Since then and since my divorce, I see signs that Dad drinks. Behavior like my X, NASTINESS. As much as he loves me and wants my respect, he certainly doesn't treat the rest of the family that way. Totally frustrates my current stepmother (who I love more than my own mother) and the rest of the family.
And that grandfather? A total miser... when he passed, they found $500,000 in CASH hidden in coffee cans around the farm (and that just the stuff they COULD find!) not to mention the property, assets, etc. It all went into a trust account.
My sisters and brothers - if they don't benefit, they could care less. And I'm not exaggerating.... My grandmother knew she was getting closer to death over a year ago, asked me to tell my sisters (brothers already knew), which I did, and NOT ONE of them called her, sent her a card. In fact, years ago, Dad fell off his semi, cracked his skull and almost died. Doctors said he seemed to have lost the will to live and asked if we could find a way to let him know he was wanted - so I arranged a get-together for everyone to see him when they sent him home from the hospital for a little while.... something triggered... Dad began to recover, eventually was able to come home for good. A few months later, two of my sisters actually called me mad... said that they were counting on the inheritance and that it was all my fault he got well.
Aunt - love her to death - but she couldn't make it through my son's graduation without being drunk.
Uncles - very withdrawn, I haven't had contact with any of them in years and they found out today that their children and grandchildren aren't getting a penny - and found out I am.
And my dear, dear grandmother who just passed a month ago... I would call her every other week, usually just to compare weather. She would ask about what was new, and if I told her I was working on anything (car, roof, etc.), she'd suddenly send me a check. The biggest one was $1,500. I called her when I got it, told her I was sending it back, and she said that the will was set so Dad got all the money, so I'd better cash it in now. She actually got mad at me when I insisted. So I put it in a CD, borrowed it back to fix the roof (the side that was already done, lol), and paid it back into the CD over time. When I got divorced, she was determined to send me more - and I could honestly tell her I still had that $1,500, so she didn't need to (and she didn't - it's what paid for the divorce, etc). And when she passed, I was still under the impression that Dad would get any money - the way it should be. But the sneak that she could be, she's sending me some anyways. Could be as low as a few hundred dollars - don't even what to think about anything else.
So yes, it means I could become more financially sound in a weird sort of way (what else is new)... but it also means I have to keep a secret, a BIG secret, from my sisters and I'm such a TERRIBLE liar. Man, this is stressing me out. And Dad... well, I'm about to also see the NASTY according to the aunt, who just told me it's coming. GAAA!
I just received word I'm getting an inheritance. Who doesn't want an inheritance? ME.
I didn't even bother to ask how much (probably isn't much anyways), because just the fact that I'm getting one, AND some family members have been excluded AND my father's about to find out about it.... EEEEEEEE!!!!
OMG, I'm not even going to be able to answer the phone for the next year. Because the family is gonna go nuts, I'm gonna get yelled at, accused of being greedy, blah blah blah.... And I'm already bucking the instructions - the attorney wants everyone to sign the receipts for the check BEFORE receiving the check in the mail.... I don't think so! So here comes the family pressure!!!
Ok, Deep Breath.
Good news - roofer says he'll cover his mistake - THANK GOD.
OH NO... my father told me last week he's coming out to visit me in July! (fingernails on a chalkboard - then gnawing on them).
----------------------------------
(2 hours later) Ok, tried calling friends - they're all out for the evening, possibly the weekend. Can't call my favorite sister - she didn't get an inheritance. So bear with me.... I need to vent and this is the only place I can go right now (even the dogs are picking up that I'm agitated).
My family is HUGE and TOTALLY DISFUNCTIONAL. GEES. Here goes....
Dad - tried to kill my mother in front of us kids during their divorce.... I was 12 and was the one who called the police (to this day, he thinks Mom called). They arrived just in time (she just had some severe bruising). Dad DID NOT get arrested... WHY? Because Grandpa (now deceased) was a deputy sheriff and it got swept under (before domestic violence laws). Since then and since my divorce, I see signs that Dad drinks. Behavior like my X, NASTINESS. As much as he loves me and wants my respect, he certainly doesn't treat the rest of the family that way. Totally frustrates my current stepmother (who I love more than my own mother) and the rest of the family.
And that grandfather? A total miser... when he passed, they found $500,000 in CASH hidden in coffee cans around the farm (and that just the stuff they COULD find!) not to mention the property, assets, etc. It all went into a trust account.
My sisters and brothers - if they don't benefit, they could care less. And I'm not exaggerating.... My grandmother knew she was getting closer to death over a year ago, asked me to tell my sisters (brothers already knew), which I did, and NOT ONE of them called her, sent her a card. In fact, years ago, Dad fell off his semi, cracked his skull and almost died. Doctors said he seemed to have lost the will to live and asked if we could find a way to let him know he was wanted - so I arranged a get-together for everyone to see him when they sent him home from the hospital for a little while.... something triggered... Dad began to recover, eventually was able to come home for good. A few months later, two of my sisters actually called me mad... said that they were counting on the inheritance and that it was all my fault he got well.
Aunt - love her to death - but she couldn't make it through my son's graduation without being drunk.
Uncles - very withdrawn, I haven't had contact with any of them in years and they found out today that their children and grandchildren aren't getting a penny - and found out I am.
And my dear, dear grandmother who just passed a month ago... I would call her every other week, usually just to compare weather. She would ask about what was new, and if I told her I was working on anything (car, roof, etc.), she'd suddenly send me a check. The biggest one was $1,500. I called her when I got it, told her I was sending it back, and she said that the will was set so Dad got all the money, so I'd better cash it in now. She actually got mad at me when I insisted. So I put it in a CD, borrowed it back to fix the roof (the side that was already done, lol), and paid it back into the CD over time. When I got divorced, she was determined to send me more - and I could honestly tell her I still had that $1,500, so she didn't need to (and she didn't - it's what paid for the divorce, etc). And when she passed, I was still under the impression that Dad would get any money - the way it should be. But the sneak that she could be, she's sending me some anyways. Could be as low as a few hundred dollars - don't even what to think about anything else.
So yes, it means I could become more financially sound in a weird sort of way (what else is new)... but it also means I have to keep a secret, a BIG secret, from my sisters and I'm such a TERRIBLE liar. Man, this is stressing me out. And Dad... well, I'm about to also see the NASTY according to the aunt, who just told me it's coming. GAAA!
Replies
If you feel this strongly about not taking the inheritance then don\'t. You will find that most of your relatives will still be angry about that.
I refused what my mother was giving me. It was already a battle and she had told me I wasn\'t getting anything because I had married better than my sisters. Mom put me in the will anyway and it was Hell. I read that will many times before I made my decision. To her beloved only son she was leaving-----to her other heirs she was leaving----. The other heirs. She couldn\'t even call me her daughter. So we were her other heirs. She left my litle sister in charge of getting us our money. The little sister who had most of my mothers money in her name too and kept a lot of it.
I had the atty. remove me from the will and split my portion between my two sisters and my brother got mad because he didn\'t get part of it. I was in a no win situation. What little family I had left was torn apart. Only one of the sisters called and thanked me for what I had done. I\'ve talked to the other one once in over 20 years and my daughter was in the hospital then.
Either way you go it\'s going to be a mess. If you can stand the hassle take the money because you probably really need it. You are going to be damned if you do and damned if you don\'t but still that decision is totally up to you.
I agree with Trisha, plus you don\'t have to spend it now or ever you can always leave it to your grandchild(I forgot if it is a boy or girl!sorry about that)Then it will be like you never had it, but your grandchild may really need it or appreciate it. Plus if you keep it in trust for him and you ever REALLY need the money you will still have access to it. And besides your damned if you do and damned if you don\'t so you might as well do! (((HUGS))) I know you will do the right thing for you, what ever it is!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING! Trisha, I\'m sorry about the family conflicts. With me, the \"other heirs\" is just because they haven\'t been born yet.
And Mac, I LOVE the idea of a trust account for my granddaughter (and future grandchildren! My son is getting the house and everything in it, so he\'ll be fine. And I do need the money right now. This year, there seems to be big expenses every time I turn around and it\'s not going to matter if I keep it or turn it away - they\'re going to hate me for it anyways.
I\'m so glad I posted this... after turning off the computer, I was thinking I shouldn\'t have, but it did calm me down, let me breathe, get some sleep without dreaming about it. I\'m SO GLAD you guys are all here.
I hate to see you do without and obviously your grandmother wanted you to have the money. Why not just give some to your sibs and keep a little? They will be happy and you will benefit too. If this will make you more financially secure, keep it.
Your giving it away won\'t change how your family is. If they don\'t complain about this, they\'ll find something else. Unhappy people are always unhappy.
Hugs.
Your grandmother left it to you because she believed you deserved it. You were decent enough to care about her and keep in touch with her in her old age. That is a lot more than can be said for your siblings. Why should you deprive yourself of your good fortune? Also it is not as if you did it deliberately to get the inheritance, you did it out of the kindness of your heart. She appreciated that and this a way she wants to repay you for your kindness.
TAKE THE MONEY!
Please pull back and look at the dysfunction that has gone on... probably for generations (just as in my family) you had nothing to do with the kick off.
With such a mess as your siblings legacy everyone is bound to be upset about something at some point, money or no money. The $ just intensifies everything.
You deserve the dough and will put it towards good uses to propel your life forward away from dysfunction make this YOUR legacy.