Things are still tough
08/07/11
Well church was very nice today. I ate the bread and drank the juice for the first time I really remember today. I'm very happy that I did it, but I can't really celebrate because of what is going on in my life now.
I got called off from working again today which stinks because I am only working 3 days this week anyways and all those could be called off as well. My mother had to return to the hospital today because she was feeling weak and light headed this morining. She just had surgery a few days ago and we are afraid something may have gotten messed up. I'm waiting to hear from my father if they found out anything yet.
At church today they talked about how the groups we belong to shape our lives. I'm trying to think of what I belong to.
My family: I will always belong to this group no matter what
Friends: Although I only have 3 friends they still love and respect me like a brother.
Geeks: I may go to the gym a lot, but I will never stop loving videogames and comics.
Christians: I have always believed in Jesus, but I feel a little out of touch with God right now. I'm trying to work on it.
Coworkers: Although they might have ignored me before I still have to work with them. Even if it is only one day a week.
Videogame Designers: Eventhough I am not working in the industry now I still have a degree and know how to make games.
DS friends: I love this site because everyone is so nice and helpful.
I'm having trouble trying to fit in in the world. Although I belong to all these groups I feel like I am out of touch with all of them. I just feel like I'm alone and its mostly my fault. I asked my pastor for help in an email so I will se what he says soon enough.
Well church was very nice today. I ate the bread and drank the juice for the first time I really remember today. I'm very happy that I did it, but I can't really celebrate because of what is going on in my life now.
I got called off from working again today which stinks because I am only working 3 days this week anyways and all those could be called off as well. My mother had to return to the hospital today because she was feeling weak and light headed this morining. She just had surgery a few days ago and we are afraid something may have gotten messed up. I'm waiting to hear from my father if they found out anything yet.
At church today they talked about how the groups we belong to shape our lives. I'm trying to think of what I belong to.
My family: I will always belong to this group no matter what
Friends: Although I only have 3 friends they still love and respect me like a brother.
Geeks: I may go to the gym a lot, but I will never stop loving videogames and comics.
Christians: I have always believed in Jesus, but I feel a little out of touch with God right now. I'm trying to work on it.
Coworkers: Although they might have ignored me before I still have to work with them. Even if it is only one day a week.
Videogame Designers: Eventhough I am not working in the industry now I still have a degree and know how to make games.
DS friends: I love this site because everyone is so nice and helpful.
I'm having trouble trying to fit in in the world. Although I belong to all these groups I feel like I am out of touch with all of them. I just feel like I'm alone and its mostly my fault. I asked my pastor for help in an email so I will se what he says soon enough.
Replies
(hug) my prayers with ur mother :)
And about the fit in thing, see once I read something interesting, there were a group of hedgehogs in a middle of a snow bluster, they needed to huddle up for some heat...but since they were covered with acanthae, they needed to get closer carefully so that they wouldnt hurt each other nor feel cold...of course its a symbolic story, but it shows how we need to always keep some distance from everyone... Cause if we got so close we might get hurt by others problems... People are awesome from the outside, but the real them is unknown....u might get soooooo much close to ur friends and fellows to find urself unable to get out of the situation, to find ur self losing control over ur life, time and pattern of thinking... At the same time u need people by ur side...so keeping some distance, owning some space is just the best solution to live in peace....of course thats what I think, doesnt necessary mean that its \"true\"! I see those dudes who are in large groups and who kno every single detail of each other, been invited to some at my freshman....but they are all identical...its hard for anyone to stand out, cause everyone will work on suppressing them to follow the flow....plus if one problem happened the whole group is engaged, and to keep 9 or something friends u need to put up with the rest...
Of course I am not u and what might suit me might not suits u...looking forwards seeing what ur pastor says...however, as a previous mind washed religious kid, plz make sure that ur following GODS WORDS not the pastors or anyone! They say lots of false things, DONT TAKE THEIR WORDS FOR GRANTED! Get back to the resources...plz plz its horrible once ur involved there... At the beginning they attract u by their kindness but once they kno they got u they will forget about u... Challenge what u find illogical, God is up there, not them!