Things are starting to look up :)
Well tonight has been a whirlwind of emotions. Some good, some bad. Mostly good though J So today was my first appointment with the group therapists who I’m going to be working on for as long as I need it. I can’t really say what the name of the group is because it’s far too easy to google, so for now let’s just call it IRP – Individual Recovery Program. I really liked both of the ladies. To be honest I wish the case manager of the group were my advisor, but I guess the other lady is good too. I guess some people you just click with better than others, but I can tell my advisor has a good heart. For now we’ll just call her Arlene. No idea why that name popped into my head, but she kind of looks like an Arlene – an older lady in her 50’s with short curly grey hair and large round rimmed glasses. Arlene is a bit on the chubby side though not squat and her face remains long and slender. Her kind blue eyes rimmed by large rimmed glasses are assuring to those in need of her care. If I were going to write Arlene as a character that would be her description. Well roughly anyway. I haven’t written in a while so I’m still a bit rusty.
I was talking to a friend today about journal keeping. As you might know it’s my goal to write at least one entry per day during 100 days. I read somewhere that regular journal keeping can encourages a person to write – something about beating writer’s block. I’ve had writer’s block for about 2 years now. The last thing I wrote was a Supernatural fanfic. I wrote around 35,000 words and had 6 chapters. I’ve tried returning to it but try as I might the words won’t come or they feel extremely forced. People say to push through it, but it’s difficult to push through it when you’re writing total crap. If I can’t do something and be proud of it, then I just don’t see the point in doing it at all.
Sorry, I appear to have veered off subject once again. So kind-looking Arlene… She conducted an interview with me asking me different questions about how things were going, what my goals were and how IRP could help. To be honest I felt this pang of panic when she was talking because she’s very new to the program, and didn’t have the full knowledge of what she was speaking about. So there were a lot of moments where I sat there thinking, “Oh no, she can’t help me”. It was a very hopeless situation. Luckily the project manager – we’ll call her Pam – stepped in and started giving me all the right information and about how they could help me. I had really started to worry too! Next I was given information about the programs that would be running this week and next – especially next because it’s Mental Health Week – and I was invited to a self-assertiveness class that would be run on Wednesday with the rest of the IRP women. I’ve put my name down for all the activities so on Wednesday will be my first session, and Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are all booked for next week. I’m nervous about it. For starters 3 days means I have to wear 3 different outfits and I’m not even sure I have enough jeans anymore as a lot of my clothes were thrown out in the Big Clean-up. So I’ll have a little mini-stress attack about what to wear. The other thing I’m nervous about is the people. Will they be like me? Will anyone be around my age? Will I be able to make friends? I’m not really an out-there kind of person so I’m not good at striking up conversations with people I don’t know, especially when I’m the new girl.
I guess I really won’t know anything until I’m actually there so there’s no use stressing over it. I just really hope my step back into society isn’t too disastrous.
The girl who stole my things – Jamie – still won’t admit to it, so that has been very stressful for me. She is very good at deception and manipulation and she thinks she has me fooled, but I’m not that stupid. As the old saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. Well I’m not going to give her a chance to fool me again.
Other than that mum has been very quick to switch her moods. One moment she is great and complimenting people, and the next she is pushing you down and putting the boot in. I’m really worried about how much she is drinking. I wonder if I could mark the bottles of wine without her knowing. Whenever she is near me I can smell the alcohol on her breath – it is revolting. I really love my mum and I just want to make sure she’s safe. I don’t want to see any harm come to her whether it be from another person or the lip of a bottle…
Well I guess that’s it for me tonight. I’m really exhausted and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow with cleaning up and mowing. Joy -.-; I really need some headphones L
I was talking to a friend today about journal keeping. As you might know it’s my goal to write at least one entry per day during 100 days. I read somewhere that regular journal keeping can encourages a person to write – something about beating writer’s block. I’ve had writer’s block for about 2 years now. The last thing I wrote was a Supernatural fanfic. I wrote around 35,000 words and had 6 chapters. I’ve tried returning to it but try as I might the words won’t come or they feel extremely forced. People say to push through it, but it’s difficult to push through it when you’re writing total crap. If I can’t do something and be proud of it, then I just don’t see the point in doing it at all.
Sorry, I appear to have veered off subject once again. So kind-looking Arlene… She conducted an interview with me asking me different questions about how things were going, what my goals were and how IRP could help. To be honest I felt this pang of panic when she was talking because she’s very new to the program, and didn’t have the full knowledge of what she was speaking about. So there were a lot of moments where I sat there thinking, “Oh no, she can’t help me”. It was a very hopeless situation. Luckily the project manager – we’ll call her Pam – stepped in and started giving me all the right information and about how they could help me. I had really started to worry too! Next I was given information about the programs that would be running this week and next – especially next because it’s Mental Health Week – and I was invited to a self-assertiveness class that would be run on Wednesday with the rest of the IRP women. I’ve put my name down for all the activities so on Wednesday will be my first session, and Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are all booked for next week. I’m nervous about it. For starters 3 days means I have to wear 3 different outfits and I’m not even sure I have enough jeans anymore as a lot of my clothes were thrown out in the Big Clean-up. So I’ll have a little mini-stress attack about what to wear. The other thing I’m nervous about is the people. Will they be like me? Will anyone be around my age? Will I be able to make friends? I’m not really an out-there kind of person so I’m not good at striking up conversations with people I don’t know, especially when I’m the new girl.
I guess I really won’t know anything until I’m actually there so there’s no use stressing over it. I just really hope my step back into society isn’t too disastrous.
The girl who stole my things – Jamie – still won’t admit to it, so that has been very stressful for me. She is very good at deception and manipulation and she thinks she has me fooled, but I’m not that stupid. As the old saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. Well I’m not going to give her a chance to fool me again.
Other than that mum has been very quick to switch her moods. One moment she is great and complimenting people, and the next she is pushing you down and putting the boot in. I’m really worried about how much she is drinking. I wonder if I could mark the bottles of wine without her knowing. Whenever she is near me I can smell the alcohol on her breath – it is revolting. I really love my mum and I just want to make sure she’s safe. I don’t want to see any harm come to her whether it be from another person or the lip of a bottle…
Well I guess that’s it for me tonight. I’m really exhausted and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow with cleaning up and mowing. Joy -.-; I really need some headphones L
Replies