There's a Name for It!

So, all the crap I've been dealing with all my life (primarily from my mom & sister & now sometimes with my son) actually has names for it: Belittling, Gaslighting, Invalidation & Picking Fights/Baiting (though I've always known sis liked to pick a fight!). I was reading the "Out of the Fog" website & said to myself, "oh my gosh, that's it!" So I saved various thoughts & strategies for each kind of behavior & found various patterns there.
The primary thought overall is: You can't control another person's thoughts or speech, so it's best to focus on the one thing you can control - that's you. Turn your attention on your own behavior and your own thought patterns. Discard the unhealthy and learn what is healthy for yourself and pursue it - regardless of what reaction you get from the person.
And the primary strategies, which focus on what we are doing for ourselves vs. what we are doing to the other, are:
- don't get drawn into the argument
- say the truth/how it makes you feel only once, calmly/without emotion
- end the conversation
- don't wait for them to understand or give permission to end the conversation/exit
- remove yourself politely
- focus on something productive, giving yourself time to calm down
This all seems so simple & even logical, but can be easy to forget when you're drawn into the emotion of the moment. And yet it's so empowering, because you're not living on Crazy Island.


 


So...hopefully next time, I can think logically & put these concepts/steps into action!