Therapy Goal?
A psycho-techniqe which I began using in the 1976/77 therapy set which resulted in the "Therapy Funeral" in the Shawnee National Forest in August of 1977 is, "Timed reflection." The theory was that setting a think period would help me find a balance between my over-developed flight instinct and the endless agonizing of unmoving denial. I don't believe I could survive the psycho-pro proof trials, but my just-a-patient senses believe the technique has been more effective than a miracle med.
From that shakey platform, this morning finds me thinking I can use Tiggy's rehabilitation as a timed-reflection measure. Do I attempt to find ways to break the isolation here or get back to the still fragile progress I have made in the River Region?
Sorting. . .
Replies
I have been plying radical acceptance to "The Caddy Parade," including the in-law caddies. (Note: in this context, "Caddy" is a generic term for an expensive, luxuriously padded vehicle. Precedent: copiers of any size, make or model being called "Xerox machines.")
Again, I can neither confirm nor deny the childhood memories of fancy cars being a consistent warning that yet another eviction in progress. For sure. my child memory doesn't use words like, "Eviction." In the majority of those memories, I seldom used words, at all. I was still mostly mute and suspected of deafness and/or mental retardation. Getting a handle on how the in-law handling of their farm properties are connected to those obscure childhood memories is mind-fucky to the max. Words fail me completely while emotions whelm and storm like wordless hurricanes. ^It^ doesn't seem to care which logical ought gets thrown at it.
Testing radical acceptance with a long, reflective chew. . .
Been doing my guit-chi out in the big barn. Think I'll get my guit on. . .
The Quiet Voice seems to be encouraging me to set the yaddah blahs attached to the Grown-ups within the Urban Homestead for now. The radical acceptance there is that they canae help me with this. It is what it is whether I understand it or knot. Perhaps the ought analysis will make more sense at a later date.
For now. . . Mindfully setting that snot pot on the back burner?
Testing. . .
My guitar still hasn't left the case, but the wash pad in the proposed mechanic bay is literally rocking. I've been building a rock wash pad under the camp-style water spigot.
Note:
The radical acceptance "test" I am using is my emotional response to the acceptance. I take emotional gyrations as a sign that it is not a clean acceptance. Whether I am dancing like a fairy tale princess, fighting like an alley cat, or any of the creative array between the extremes, emotional gyrations are an unstable response.
I love theory. It behaves so well on paper, but the world is a MUCH bigger laboratory.
Still sorting. . .
So far, the adult child yaddahs are staying calm within the radical acceptance test. Not so much the GK's, but I feel called to trust their mother and father. The yaddahs of those blahs are not mine to sort. Let go and let God. . . Prayers ongoing.
Hubs is a thornier chew. I feel a need to validate the progress we have made together and bee supportive of the bee visions he has for this property, but that domestic diplomacy still has far too many eggshell piles for me to navigate under the influence of strictly personal psychosis. Add on the stresses and hours available to a man who is balancing a full-time and a booming business venture and. . . Can I keep it compassionate when I accept him as unavailable? To my strictly personal senses, that math is as simple as math gets. Hubs still experiences violent reactions when I do that particular math in his presence.
Testing. . . Sure wish this testing was as clear and simple as the 1, 2, 3 of a sound check. More radical acceptance. It isnae and willnae ever be as simple as a sound test.
Sending you hugs & support, Arfie! Sounds like an awful lot to be handing & processing right now. Hopefully you tools & techniques keep working for you. Your insights as to what works & doesn’t is very enlightening for me as I’m still waiting on therapy referrals to get things moving for me again.
Big hugs & best wishes.
Yea, it's enough to give my "Why Attacks." WA-WA-WA! ! ! backed up by an angry fist shake at The Gnarly Old Dickhead.
Why you do these things, G.O.D.? NO FUCKING FAIR! ! !
Sigh. . .
Back to the toolbox. . . It works if I work it and I'm worth it.
You’re always worth it & if the tools don’t work, get new ones? That’s what I’ve been trying lately but it’s been hit or miss. The waiting to start treatment has triggered apathetic “meh” stage, and so I’ve been ignoring myself and pretending I can’t hear my issues. I’m reaching that stage of “why bother” anymore as it seems like things don’t change. But I’m probably just in “angry, sick of waiting” mode.
At least you’ve been a great source of helping me find new tools during the waiting game but I’m shouting & shaking a fist with you. Feel fairly frustrated also.
Hoping it passes for both of us soon.
Wishing you all the best & continued hugs & support. If you ever up for going “tool” shopping, I’m thinking of investing in new ones soon and could do with second opinions.
Hugs & loves!
I'm always on the hunt for new therapy tools and still have to go through allot of trial with every go-round. I sometimes think I build a resistance to therapy tools even quicker than I build a resistance to therapy drugs. Other times I think each spin of the not-so-merry-go-round is unique.
Another shake of my fist at The Gnarly Old Dickhead. . . Why you do these things?
You, in return, are an inspiration to me, Vltava. There has been a moment or 20 where I have wondered if The Gnarly Old Dickhead does these things so that folks like you and I can create the many layers of magic in the worldwide peer support network.
Thank you, Arfie. Not sure how much of an inspiration I am at the moment. I’m in an “anti” everything mood, and lately my typical response to my thoughts & world in general is to quote my daughter in saying “Fight me,” as rebelliously as possible. Definitely wondering about what is up with that creative genius to have chosen us as lab rats. Maybe it’s just been another long drawn out draining week for all of us but my magic is currently depleted and I broke my wand so everything lately seems to be a little twisted & or doesn’t work.
Know any place that sells magic energy potions or new wands? Mine are definitely broken this week & apparently duct tape doesn’t fix everything.
Hugs!
The inspiration lays in your willingness to let your freak flag fly while still giving your honest best to every day, Vltava. Since I started theraputing my control freakitis I have come to believe that perfect liars are the nearest humans can expect to get to perfection.
I make a pretty mean energy potion, but I wonder if that might be like giving a match to a stick of dynamite. How 'bout a chamomile tea and a lavender bath? Repeat after me. Overcompensating bad. Rest good.
I'll sell you some magic wands for a mere 40 bucks a pop. Trust me, Hon, I promise they'll work like a charm. They're fresh cut from the tree at the end of the rainbow by my luckiest leprechaun buds and flown in on fairy wings. They've never been wished upon. Special deal, just for you.
I've also got some first rate real estate on the South Pole. Location, location, location. . .