Therapy 2nd Visit Part 2 12/18/2013
So I had some interesting insight today on my depression. The therapist believes part of the problem is that my subconscience basically compares every upcoming day to the best days I can remember. This made sense to me as there could never be a comparison between the best days of you live to the normal 9-5 working day of even the average weekend.
If this is true then my sad, empty feelings would actually be justified in that I could never make an average day into some overzealous version of what I remember to be my glory days. It's funny because just thinking about the good times causes that sad sinking feeling of loss. It feels like a friend that has passed away.
Now that I am conscience of this fact perhaps I can defuse the depression a bit. My other issue is the obvious one of isolation and working from home. I'm going to actively try to get to the office even if it's only for a day or two a week. Everything depends on my workload and meetings but I'm going to set times to go.
The therapist thought that I should take the class on mindful meditation. I think it will be a good thing. I know I will have to force myself to go. It's every Wednesday in Feb-Mar at 6:30p m. I will have to force myself becuase of the weather and because I hate to drive. It's sad that things that I know will help have to be forced. I should want to do things that help but I'm afraid too because I feel like all of my decisions lately have been wrong.
It's like they say nothing stays the same and everything changes. I agree as this is a fact but I feel like every change lately is just another bad change. I would love to see a positive chnage so at least I can point to something and say that not every change is bad or negative. I'll need to focus more on positive changes as maybe they are just to subtile to see or experience.
All and all it was a good session. I know it's a long road ahead by at least I feel like I'm taking one small baby step towards something better.
On a side note I actually stopped for Subway on the way home instead of just coming straight home and having the same old dinner. It may not sound like much but it's actually kind of a big deal for me.
Also, I took an Aleve to help with the chronic itch/pain issue. I hate taking anything and I just want it to go away but I know that I'm just aggrevating myself but not taking something so whatever. Maybe someday I will be healthy again. The doc said it could be several months. After the new year I don't care what's going on I'm getting back to the gym! I'm tired of this nonsense and I've worked too many years to let it all go now.
Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Brian who is leaving our company. I'm going to miss my friend but I think he will be happier at his new job. Hopefully we can meet for lunch during the week sometimes once he gets settled into the new job. He's a good guy and I hope for all the best in his new job.
Well that's about it so here's to a better day...and more to come tomorrow....
If this is true then my sad, empty feelings would actually be justified in that I could never make an average day into some overzealous version of what I remember to be my glory days. It's funny because just thinking about the good times causes that sad sinking feeling of loss. It feels like a friend that has passed away.
Now that I am conscience of this fact perhaps I can defuse the depression a bit. My other issue is the obvious one of isolation and working from home. I'm going to actively try to get to the office even if it's only for a day or two a week. Everything depends on my workload and meetings but I'm going to set times to go.
The therapist thought that I should take the class on mindful meditation. I think it will be a good thing. I know I will have to force myself to go. It's every Wednesday in Feb-Mar at 6:30p m. I will have to force myself becuase of the weather and because I hate to drive. It's sad that things that I know will help have to be forced. I should want to do things that help but I'm afraid too because I feel like all of my decisions lately have been wrong.
It's like they say nothing stays the same and everything changes. I agree as this is a fact but I feel like every change lately is just another bad change. I would love to see a positive chnage so at least I can point to something and say that not every change is bad or negative. I'll need to focus more on positive changes as maybe they are just to subtile to see or experience.
All and all it was a good session. I know it's a long road ahead by at least I feel like I'm taking one small baby step towards something better.
On a side note I actually stopped for Subway on the way home instead of just coming straight home and having the same old dinner. It may not sound like much but it's actually kind of a big deal for me.
Also, I took an Aleve to help with the chronic itch/pain issue. I hate taking anything and I just want it to go away but I know that I'm just aggrevating myself but not taking something so whatever. Maybe someday I will be healthy again. The doc said it could be several months. After the new year I don't care what's going on I'm getting back to the gym! I'm tired of this nonsense and I've worked too many years to let it all go now.
Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Brian who is leaving our company. I'm going to miss my friend but I think he will be happier at his new job. Hopefully we can meet for lunch during the week sometimes once he gets settled into the new job. He's a good guy and I hope for all the best in his new job.
Well that's about it so here's to a better day...and more to come tomorrow....
Replies
It\'s funny how some things that we hear hit us between the eyes and make so much sence. I am glad you have something to work with now. Learning to enjoy the positive, small things in our day to day living is a big deal. I think that is true for most people. Not just those of us trying to live w/depression. The meditation class sounds fantastic. I have tapes, books, etc. Have never been able to take a class. I am anxious to hear how that goes. Everything sounds very helpful - going into the office to be around some people, and yes STOPPING BY SUBWAY IS A BIG DEAL!!! All changes we make are steps towards health! I am so happy you got so much useful insight and are headed in e new direction from what your life has been!
I have been taking meditation classes for a few months now. The thing about meditation is if you expect to achieve peace of mind, you will be disappointed. You may experience peace of mind from time to time, but you should not expect to every time you sit down to meditate. It is not a magic bullet. The goal is to cultivate awareness of whatever is going on in your mind, which is different from believing your thoughts. I am not there yet, but meditation is supposed to lessen one\'s tendency to identify with one\'s thoughts. One book I would recommend to you is \"The MIndful Way Through Depression,\" by Mark Williams et al. It is a book I find myself going back to again and again.