therapist
How do you judge if a therapist is helpful or not? Is making good suggestions or not?
I chose her because I knew I felt comfortable enough to feel my emotions in front of her - and I know getting to the point of feeling my emotions is crucial to my progress. And, when emotions are too overwhelming, I go into a panic attack. I have several times gone into attacks during sessions, which I see as a good sign, in that I'm comfortable enough with her.
But on the other hand, I feel like she doesn't know how to help me. Maybe it's because I feel like I don't know what to do. But I guess there are a few things she has said or ways she has handled things that make me wonder if she really knows how ot ehlp me through this. It's great I can start to feel my emotions with her, but we need to know what to do with that. And cutting is getting worse because all those emotions are stirred up. And she seems to be surprised that things are getting worse with my talking rather than better. ???
There are many things I like about her and I don't want to just be jumping from therapist to therapist - I know no one is perfect and each one has something unique to offer from their own experiences. Maybe it's time to move on? Maybe it isn't yet. I've been seeing her about 6 months.
Any advice?
I chose her because I knew I felt comfortable enough to feel my emotions in front of her - and I know getting to the point of feeling my emotions is crucial to my progress. And, when emotions are too overwhelming, I go into a panic attack. I have several times gone into attacks during sessions, which I see as a good sign, in that I'm comfortable enough with her.
But on the other hand, I feel like she doesn't know how to help me. Maybe it's because I feel like I don't know what to do. But I guess there are a few things she has said or ways she has handled things that make me wonder if she really knows how ot ehlp me through this. It's great I can start to feel my emotions with her, but we need to know what to do with that. And cutting is getting worse because all those emotions are stirred up. And she seems to be surprised that things are getting worse with my talking rather than better. ???
There are many things I like about her and I don't want to just be jumping from therapist to therapist - I know no one is perfect and each one has something unique to offer from their own experiences. Maybe it's time to move on? Maybe it isn't yet. I've been seeing her about 6 months.
Any advice?
Replies
Well, here\'s my 2c worth as a counselor myself. But bear in mind that every counselor has their own \"style \" and my own style tends to be very goal-oriented, so take it for what it\'s worth.
FIRST, disregard the first several sesions. It takes a while to overcome the initial nervousness and get to know someone. Figure the first 3 or 4 sessions for this, nothing more. But if you\'re not \"comfortable\" with your therapist/counselor by about the 4th session, move on. But it sounds like you\'re comfortable with yours, so that\'s not the issue.
SO, allowing 3-4 sessions as get-to-know-you, and another couple sessions to come up with a plan, by about the 6th session your counselor should be able to lay out three things:
A) Where you\'re at right now.
B) Where you potentially CAN be, all things considered.
C) A roadmap for getting from point A to point B
If by now you counselor can\'t do this, then it\'s time to move on.
Good advice by Portlander. From my own experience (for me) any counselor is another member of MY team. They do NOT have any way of fixing you.
That being said, there are directions for you to go that you can not see or do not know about. The counselors job is to open your eyes so you can see the way. Like Portlander said a road map to steer your journey away from where it has been going to a place of improvement.
Whatever issues you are dealing with will remain in your life. Part of this journey you are on includes figuring out how to assimilate those issues into your life in a healthy and balanced way.,, and yes that is the struggle, which is a life long pursuit!
Yeah that\'s my 2 cents worth... I hope you are able to find your way to a path of recovery that suits you.
I\'m guessing that your therapist isn\'t a therapist who follows the three stages of healing...Safety & Stabilization...Then Remembering...Then (oh hell, I can\'t remember the third part...I\'m still on safety and stabilization!) Anyway, I always find therapists who treat patients in these three steps because it is crucial to have your coping mechanisms down pat before digging into anything heavy. And it sounds like you don\'t have your coping mechanisms down pat, because you are still resorting to cutting. The other thing is that it is to be expected that things will get worse before they get better. Talking about issues is NO walk in the park....I can\'t believe that your therapist is shocked that things are getting worse for you...its par for the course. Ditch this therapist and find someone who is willing to work on the BASICS with you...i.e. your coping skills before getting into deeper issues.
Katri (pretend panicky voice) - whats the last step?!?!? I need to know where I\'m going! ;)
I\'m the one pushing, she\'s trying to hold me back in some ways. I\'vebeen building coping skills with previous therapists so we haven\'t talked too much about it cuz I already know what I\'m supposed to do - or I did before things got more intense. idk
I have been to a few different psycologist and in my experience they should challenge you but not make you feel useless or bad about yourself. It is hard but you do have to shop around and find one that works for you. You say that your not sure that she knows how to help you. She may think at this stage that you talking about how you feel is helping you. Usually there is lots of time spent talking about the issues before there is any form of action to try and over come them.
6 months is enough to decide. Your therapist should not be giving you instructions on how to live your life, only helping you figure things out, but if you are less than satisfied, I recommend changing. It takes time to get used to someone else, but it wastes time to be in a dead end relationship, even this kind.
This is what I do. I ask them specific questions. I have three top questions I ask. I always ask if they have worked with people who have eating disorders, who SI, and who have been abused. Then I ask these other questions:
Interviewing New Counselors:
A. Have you ever worked with survivors? What kind of training do you have in this work?
B. How do you work with survivors? What are the techniques you use?
C. If you havent worked with survivors before, how would you educate yourself on the subject?
D. Would you support my participation in a survivors group?
E. Do you think sex with adults is always damaging to children?
F. Do you think children ever willingly participate in sex with adults?
G. Do you think women ever fantasize or exaggerate abuse?
If I don\'t like the answers or if I am not comfortable with the answers I move on to a new counselor. I hope this helps!
I\'m at the same place. I love my therapist and have been working with her for years, but we\'ve come to a point where I feel like she doesn\'t know how to handle the severity of my trauma. I found a place call psychologytoday.com through WebMD where you can pick the specialty and your city or zip and they produce a list of therapists, each with their credentials and specialties. You can email the therapist. It even says what insurance they take and how much they charge. I\'m going to try one soon. Hope this helps!
It might also be under Find a therapist in http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
I found a PDF with the three stages of trauma recovery
http://www.dharmaspirit.com/pdf/Three%20Stages%20of%20Trauma%20Recovery_Handout.pdf
Stage 1 is Safety & Stabilization
Stage 2 is Coming to terms with traumatic memories
Stage 3 is Integration and Moving on
Oh, wait. I forgot to add one more thing...
The three stages aren\'t necessarily sequential. Yes, you have to start with stage 1, but if things get bad for you in stage 2, then you can go back to stage 1.
Thanks Katri :)
i don\'t have any advice, i just want you to know im here to listen to you and support you. BIG HUGS
I totally understand this feeling...I had a therapist I loved but who told me she didn\'t know how to help me anymore. But now, I\'m with another therapist I love who CAN help me. It\'s hard to let go of a therapist you\'re attached to, but therapists are more than good friends, and you deserve one that can truly, truly make you feel better because you DESERVE to feel better.