the young innocent victim

whats the typical life for a young girl maybe in fourth grade? playing with friends,visiting family,spending time with her mother,brother,and father. aside from that i have no idea what a typical life would have been life because i didnt have a typical life i had a life that not many people have to go through. i was confident,young,out-going,kind things that i thought was what was right, my life wasnt so bad but on what i thought was just going to be a typical day for me turned into one of the worst days of my life,since that day i cant say i have had that many joyful or days full of happiness. that day back in fourth grade changed my life forever and not for the better either. my "father" who was supposed to protect me instead hurt me in one of the worst ways possible he stole my innocent. but that wasnt all he stole from me i mean truly think about it that day i lost my innocent,my childhood. wheres my chance to have kids later down the line and have them grow uo knowing a grandfather or wheres the father thats supposed to walk me down the isle. ill never forget that day or the many days that followed. But it wouldnt be right if i didnt start from the beginning, that day i woke up for school but instead of waking uo to MY alarm clock i was disturbingly woken up to being in my "parents" room. that wasnt the worst part though i blocked out alot but what i do remember is i woke up to somebody that i once knew by the name of father he wasnt there to let me know i woke up late or anything like that he put me in that room to do the unthinkable to me. my clothes were then stripped off along with his.. i cried and i cried and i cried but my pleas for help and fpr him to stop went unheard and unnoticed. i couldnt help but to think why? i told that thing numerous times to stop what are u doing no that hurts ur not supposed to do that get away from me please stop i even tried fighting back but nothing work i was then told that it wasn't supposed to hurt that it was supposed to feel good and his excuse of raping me day in and day out was that my mom wasn't giving him any... it wouldn't stop until my seventh grade year.im almost 18 now going to be a senior in high-school. now im sure ur wondering like everyone else why didn't u tell sooner? why didn't i? i wish i would have had the courage to but my fear was holding me hostage it wasn't only the rape every morning before school that i dealt with he tried controlling my life i got in trouble for trying to play video games with my brother i was told lies about anybody that was a part of my life including my mom and brother. i couldn't talk to anyone. he made sure i wouldn't get close to people so i wouldn't tell he pulled a gun out on the bed and threaten me saying if i was to ever tell he would kill me and then he would kill himself. what was i supposed to do i was a little girl and back then no one believed me because he put on act on in front of everyone so that he wouldn't get caught. i was young and scared i didn't know what to do if family wouldn't believe me then who would. seventh grade came around and i called my friend up asked her if she could come over that it was important i needed to talk to her. i cried damn near on her shoulder telling her what i have been going through over the years.. if i wouldn't have had her their that night i have no idea what i would of done and i cant gaurentee that justice would have been found if she wasn't there. it was a long process went through court for awhile and if things wasn't bad enough for me already i had to watch as the family i was somewhat allowed to be close to turned their backs on me but in return i got a family to actually be their for me like they always wanted to but couldn't. so i had that support system and the few friends that i did have. i had four people including myself go up and help me tell my story. me,my brother,mother,and fourth grade teacher. i also watched and listened to that "family" support him and turn their back on me but also watched my offender go up and lie his ass off. but then before i knew it the best day of my life came i went to court and found out the judge found him guilty and convicted of 34 years in prison i was ecstatic i made it i survived he couldn't hurt me anymore. after that i had my friends coming up to me telling me stories of stuff they went through and telling me that they wish they could be as strong as me or that they don't know anyone stronger then me but when i think about it each and everyone of u could be as strong as me or even stronger u just have to believe that u can. i never thought i would be strong enough to tell my story to the cops or anyone but i did and after that i was able to start my new life. yes i still have depression and occasional suicidal thoughts and im still very self confident about myself.  but i have been through hell and back and i REFUSE to give up. im determined to help others too thats why i went on the radio and i went somewhere and i told my story so that people know their not alone that there is someone out there who cares and can help that theirs ways to get the abuse to stop. REMEMBER ITS NOT UR FAULT AND U DO NOT DESERVE TO GO THROUGH IT EITHER. it effected a major part of my life and in ways it still does it will take time to get over and i know im not there yet but im a survivor and im going to keep pushing myself forward until i get there.