The Year in Review

Well December had its ups and downs, more on the down side with Christmas coming and going.

Today is December 25th Christmas 2019. As i am going to place the year of 2019 into this one journal. January, February, March and parts of April was a very sad time in my life, still working at Wendy's and Arby's closing in on 80+ hours a week finally gotten my hernia repaired and my blood pressure back in check and still weighing in around 135 lbs. but something was lurking, knowing that i was having problems with my eye sight i mentioned it to my wife but it really seemed that she didn't care. The family would go out for dinner but not once brought anything for me to eat, the only thing I would be munching on was cheese crackers, pop tarts, and Krimpets. Dropping my weight down to 123lbs never had the time to eat anything due to not enough time. i choose to take a shower and use the bathroom and try to get enough sleep so i wouldn't fall asleep at work, the only thing i was doing drinking caffeine soda just to keep me awake most of the day. As Easter came and went i had to make a decision on leaving her and my family, i was tired of being ridiculed almost every minute and hearing all the pop shots directed at me or being yelled at most of the time because i did something that she didn't care to much. I felt like i was just her chauffer to the supper market or somewhere else. The love was not there, no fire or spark in our relationship, I felt like i was a butler just living day by day, I would still ask her about helping my out clearing my background but of course i would get something like your going to open up old wounds but i was willing to take that chance. But life goes on that i had to make a decision to leave, i was heart broken and many times i would think to myself am i doing the right thing or not, staying with her would only mean more torture about me being trans even though I wasn't dressing up but being controlled by her no phone or computer and having to ask for things all the time and not having any time to myself it was the last straw. so I left grabbed everything i could into on duffle bag and lugging it all the way to Arby's and stopping by Wendy's explaining what I was doing, and listening to Yohan trying to talk me out of it but i had to stick to my guns. many times i have thought about backing down and returning to the house but it was now or never. I was always looking over my shoulder for the cops . the other concern came up thinking or worrying about this person keeping her promise. But when I got there i was able to finally relax as her promises became true they invited me into thier home and i was greatly appreciated.

The first thing i did was to get my job transferred down it took awhile but with a lot of pushing and phone calling it finally paid off. With the money i started off with i managed to activate my phone so i had a working number so i didn't have to rely on the wifi to communicate i did manage to find a carrier with just the basic phone and text unlimited for 20 a month thanks to the sales person that helped me out the second thing i had to do was to find a primary care doctor for myself as soon as possible. Also looked up a lawyer to find out how much it will cost me to get my background cleared which they were asking a lot i couldn't afford 2 to 3k with payments. I remembered about Legal aid so i went through them and took me awhile to gather information about my rap sheet which only had a couple of things on it that they said wouldn't have any effect unlike what my wife told me. Why would she do that to me it was the only thing that was keeping me from finding a good paying job. i waited about a week until i came out of the closet knowing that i was ready to live my life full time as a woman. I felt so relaxed being dressed as one. Then later in May towards the end of May i called the Mazzoni Center to set up an appointment to start my hormone theropy, I was back working for Arby's and living as a female. so they set my appointment for a call back in the middle of July only to find out that they pushed me back till october. but in the mean time my phone was being bombarded with messages between Merle and my daughter. Merle yelling and getting me upset because i abandoned my family and my daughter trying to be someone else when i caught on asking me the was the reason why i left was because i wanted to transition. i said No i left because of the abuse not wanting to transition, but as the months went by i managed to get to see the eye doctor knowing that i needed glasses but to my surprise he ended up telling me that there was a more serious problem that if i didn't get surgery done i would be blind in about six months. I had to see a specialist found out that there was a build up of pressure from having high blood pressure causing my lenes to form fluid in between my eye and lense i had to have caterac surger done. I was nervous and ended up having both eyes done one in October and the other in November but the medical bills were piling up but at least they were ok with me making some payments every two weeks. in the mean time i managed to start my Hormone Replacement Theropy started in August , didn't have much luck with the Endiocronoligist in town which he made me uncomfortable so i spoke to the Mazzoni Center again to find out the next appointment was and i also called the theropist as well which she told me about the new center in Chester on Widener University campus and they were able to fit me in and i saw both the doctor and the theropist at the same time and i continued going there as of today and my body is reacting to the changes nicely after several month of it fighting back. when the endiocronolgist did my blood work it recorded that my body was producing to much estradol and not enough testosterone being on the very low end of the scale and the estradoil being on the high end nearing the line of being a female but when i started taking the estradiol my testosterone levels were matching the estradiol levels at the same time untill finally near the end of November it gave up and plumpit down to a female level and i noticed the sudden changes in my body all at once. my features of changed for the good as i can tell in the previous photos to now. I am finally feel the peace and the absence of my anxeity that i was feeling for a long time. Now for the year 2020 the doctors want me to find a surgerion and a doctor that will do my breasts implants so i can start my next step in becoming a women. Until the next time which will be 2020 i look forward to more changes like a new job, breast implants and hopfully the bottom surgery. I cannot for get the name change from Daniel Franklin Nuscis to Danielle Nicole Nuscis. :)