the world is out of control

do you ever have that feeling that the world is out of your controle. i sit ere and think way me what did i do so wrong to get this illness. what can i do to make it go away that dosent have 100+ side affects that make you feel worse that you did to begine with part of me feel so bad becouse i thort to my self the other day way canrnt some one eles have this illness then my mum said to me god only give you what you can cope with that he gave me this becouse im strong. but some days im not stong i carnt be stong foever. im glad i have it and not my children but i have them days i could just sit and cry and cry. its like ever strand of who i am is gone. i canrt do my hair i carnt do my makeup i cant take my children out to the park becouse i carnt walk far i feel like my sole is screeming on the inside and i have to smile on the out side. i wish so much i was the old me the young helthy mummy to my 2 babys. but someone has to have this god affel illness