The Words I Have Waited So Many Months To Hear..

I want to send out my Heart filled thanks to everyone who sent me Love and Support during this very hard time for me and my kids. Losing that pure Love Boy my Heart just misses him so much. I think i'm more upset about Sam than I was my Ex left. Just pure sadness that goes from my eyebrows to my toes. I know I set Sam free from his failing body he was in pain it still doesn't make my Heart stop aching and long to hold him again. The loss of Sam has brought definite changes in my Ex. He finally said the words I have been Praying for and God gave me the Peace and released me of the Guilt I have been carrying for almost a year now. He told me losing Sam made him realize how precious time with your family was. That he didn't want to waste another minute away from us that he is working really hard to change and become the Man I deserve again. I couldn't breathe and the tears were like an ocean I thought I was going to dehydrate. My Heart felt like the two ton weight that had been pressing on for a year almost was lifted and I could ACTUALLY BREATHE AGAIN!!!!! My lungs took the deepest breathe ever. Because I haven't been able to digest a decent meal or sleep longer than 3 hours at a time all I could think of was a BIG MAC AND A NAP!!!!!!
I know most of you are thinking GOOD FOR T SHE GOT HER HAPPILY EVER AFTER...Just like in every DISNEY PRINCESS MOVIE. Well even though he told me over and over again how he is changing when we sat down for coffee on Sunday, the only thing I could think of is HOW THIS IS ALL ABOUT HIM AGAIN!!!!!! Not once did my feelings about the situation come up. So I listened and listened and listened to him go ON AND ON AND ON how HE IS GOING TO BE BETTER, AND HOW HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE. When he was finished I said " That's great for you I hope that you continue to work on your self on make changes that you so desperatly need. However I KNOW THAT I HAVE CHANGED, I KNOW THAT I AM NO LONGER WILLING TO EXCEPT TABLE SCRAPS OF AFFECTION. I will not be your B-PLAN I DESEREVE TO BE NUMBER 1!!! And even though I miss you still and I am grieving Sammy I will not allow you to just come home and act like everything will be ok now because YOU DECIDED IT WOULD BE.
I told him that even though it's hard and I get very lonely and tired being a single mom I'M OK AND I AM ENJOYING THE PEACE IN MY LIFE NOW NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT ALL THE DRAMA AND STRESS THAT FOLLOWS YOU EVERYWHERE. I just don't have to worry about you right now and my life although tired, lonely, and scarry sometimes it's CALM AND PEACEFUL AND IT'S WONDERFUL. Keep working at it honey but just talk doesn't work with me anymore YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME. Keep showing me your changes starting with paying your support on time each motnth. Putting Austin first always before YOU and when your Daughter calls you for help HELP HER AND STOP GIVING HER THE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG SPEACH. If you keep showing me that you are actually MAKING AN EFFORT TO MAKE BETTER MORE RESPONSIBLE CHOICES THAN MAYBE WE WILL TALK AGAIN A FEW MORE MONTHS DOWN THE ROAD. Then in a few months from now if you have gone back to your selfish inconsiderate ways then I will know that you were not honest and truthful about changing it was just another LIE to try to keep me under your Control and do what is easier for you. If your SERIOUS YOU WILL DO THE WORK, IF NOT THEN I HAVE NOT ALLOWED MY HEART TO BE BROKEN BY YOU AGAIN.......I'M T 2.0 SMARTER, STRONGER,AND POWERFULL!!!! Who wants to Join ME!!!!!!!!!