the whole nice guy debacle
fuck shit cunt ass mother fucker fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuk.
damn i feel like ari gold from entourage im so fucking angry right now i could bash that twirp sweetmiserys face the audacity he goes like shendelzare is harassing people and there are nice guys on DS but he isnt one of them and im like yeah right and you are arnt you you self righteous little shit dammit i need to learn when the fuck will i learn all the anthropology all the psychology all the theories what use are they what fucking good are they if i still cant fit in and act normal.
but i realised something today, you cant let your guard down ever you always always have to be mindful of what ur saying who ur talking to how to talk how to act how to behave
why are there so many stupid norms of society why do we have to conform to these standards?
they are so damn annoying and confusing i mean in tibet its considered good manners to stick your tongue out when you meet someone. the lore goes that there was a cruel king there with a black toungue and he is gonna be re-incarnated near the end of times so when you stick your toungue out ur showing the other person its not black and you arnt the reincarnation of that king. In Arabia its considered good manners for the guest to burp loudly after a meal i could go on? I mean what is normal?? dammit i cant find that quote on normal anyways il add it when i find it. but the point im trying to make is this why do we have to be normal and fit it why cant we all let loose and fly the jolly roger
maybe im just an anarchist i dont like conforming i dont like being normal normal is just something that statistically means that its the average of everything so instead of normal why dont we say average or common or ordinary?? now those words arnt as catch are they? think about that next time you wanna say to someone why cant you be normal?
well i can be normal i choose not to be you know why? because i dont fucking want to.
but i wanna fit in soo bad i wanna be part of the cool crowd the yo crowd i want to be accepted to be loved and iv realized i cant be loved for who i am for what i am for i am evil, there is too much darkness and hate in me its burnt and mutated me beyond recognition beyond humanity. I know im beyond saving but Sometimes i think im even beyond human like illidan stormrage after he consumed the skull of guldan that reference is gonna be lost on who ever reads this entry but who the fuck reads my journal anyways so doesnt really matter.
why am i so bitter and angry right now? why am i so unhappy? what am i looking for? whats the point of it all? why do i even bother? why do i try? and whats freedom i know i seek freedom i want freedom but what is it? today someone asked me if i got her back would i then be happy?
these are all very interesting questions and i dont have the answer to any of them lol, its not that i havent given them thought or anything like that, I have thought over them in great detail and alot i just havent arrived at the answer. i dont have all the answers to the outside world it seems that way but i really dont have my shit together. humph im being a whiny pussy again.
shendelzare what have i told you about being a whinny pussy?? sack up you little shit
you will persevere remember what welles said:
“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.”
My name is Shendelzare silkwood and this is neither the begining nor the end of my story...
Elune-adore may the goddess light your path brother
damn i feel like ari gold from entourage im so fucking angry right now i could bash that twirp sweetmiserys face the audacity he goes like shendelzare is harassing people and there are nice guys on DS but he isnt one of them and im like yeah right and you are arnt you you self righteous little shit dammit i need to learn when the fuck will i learn all the anthropology all the psychology all the theories what use are they what fucking good are they if i still cant fit in and act normal.
but i realised something today, you cant let your guard down ever you always always have to be mindful of what ur saying who ur talking to how to talk how to act how to behave
why are there so many stupid norms of society why do we have to conform to these standards?
they are so damn annoying and confusing i mean in tibet its considered good manners to stick your tongue out when you meet someone. the lore goes that there was a cruel king there with a black toungue and he is gonna be re-incarnated near the end of times so when you stick your toungue out ur showing the other person its not black and you arnt the reincarnation of that king. In Arabia its considered good manners for the guest to burp loudly after a meal i could go on? I mean what is normal?? dammit i cant find that quote on normal anyways il add it when i find it. but the point im trying to make is this why do we have to be normal and fit it why cant we all let loose and fly the jolly roger
maybe im just an anarchist i dont like conforming i dont like being normal normal is just something that statistically means that its the average of everything so instead of normal why dont we say average or common or ordinary?? now those words arnt as catch are they? think about that next time you wanna say to someone why cant you be normal?
well i can be normal i choose not to be you know why? because i dont fucking want to.
but i wanna fit in soo bad i wanna be part of the cool crowd the yo crowd i want to be accepted to be loved and iv realized i cant be loved for who i am for what i am for i am evil, there is too much darkness and hate in me its burnt and mutated me beyond recognition beyond humanity. I know im beyond saving but Sometimes i think im even beyond human like illidan stormrage after he consumed the skull of guldan that reference is gonna be lost on who ever reads this entry but who the fuck reads my journal anyways so doesnt really matter.
why am i so bitter and angry right now? why am i so unhappy? what am i looking for? whats the point of it all? why do i even bother? why do i try? and whats freedom i know i seek freedom i want freedom but what is it? today someone asked me if i got her back would i then be happy?
these are all very interesting questions and i dont have the answer to any of them lol, its not that i havent given them thought or anything like that, I have thought over them in great detail and alot i just havent arrived at the answer. i dont have all the answers to the outside world it seems that way but i really dont have my shit together. humph im being a whiny pussy again.
shendelzare what have i told you about being a whinny pussy?? sack up you little shit
you will persevere remember what welles said:
“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.”
My name is Shendelzare silkwood and this is neither the begining nor the end of my story...
Elune-adore may the goddess light your path brother
Replies
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.~friedrich nietzsche
Oh my friend...I think it\'s not only ok to be \"different\", it is a must to have people who stand up and announce..I am different and proud of it! We need that in this world..those who don\'t conform to the \"norm\" often make the biggest and best changes in this world. There is a difference though between being \"different\" and \"marching to a different drum\" and being hurtful. I have not known you long my friend and already I really like you..I\'ll tell you why- I have talked with you..cared to hear you. You started with me like so many others no doubt..like a tornado ..lol... said some things that some might be offended by and walked away from you quick..but not me..you did not offend me, because I felt there was more beneath the approach..and I have found there is..and it is quite different from what you may portray. You have a story..a life led before coming here that I suspect few have any knowledge of..that life molded you to where you are right now..this day. I believe you have had many hurts, many disappointments, you have had losses, been afraid, hurt, and have felt alone and unloved. You had to find a way to survive ..and you did. You come on strong..walls up, like a tornado..you whirl in and defend yourself before you can be attacked ..you attack...it is your defense. You don\'t really even know you are doing it, it is not purposeful, not planned, there is no intention behind it..it is just how you have learned to survive.You are misunderstood..in your way of humor, mixed with attack, you shock some. They don\'t understand.You are good. You are not bad. You are not \"evil\"Not a \"pussy\" either. You are spinning and trying to do the best you can to find acceptance, belonging , love..and instead you get misunderstanding, and you are pushed away because of it.You (at least to me, and I could be totally wrong about all this I know) to me I see you crying out...and it feels no one hears you...but I do. I hear you.I care.
Try being YOU inside. try coming on a bit less strong..and let others talk and guide you in conversation..you deserve all you seek, and wish and dream for in life..and it can and will be yours..and you will gain trust and give yours as well..you just need to take a deep breathe and try to slow your mind down and not be afraid to be the you inside, it is a lovable you..it really is..I see it, others will too.Don\'t be so hard on others or on yourself..go slow..good things await you.Your defenses aren\'t working are they? Maybe it\'s time to re-evaluate them if they aren\'t..and try another way? I have a quite in one of my recent journals(one I left open) it is about being different and I\'d like you to read it. You can do so much good in this world ..because you march to a different drummer...you can make a difference ...use being different ..be proud of being different, but use it to better lives and to better your own.
many hugs from your friend- Sue
sorry I meant a \"quote\" in one of my recent journals
Vive la difference!
guess what? i am a nice person. far nicer than you are. do other people know the way you\'ve acted? you told someone \"you\'re hot as fuck i want to get to know you\". you called me a pedophile twice, then turned around and tried getting me to do a favor for you. you use people. you treat people like crap if they can\'t do something for you. guess what? i will defend and watch out for MY FRIENDS. because the friends i\'ve made on here are real friends, something that you will never know because of the way you act towards people. now leave my friends alone
i know far too well how much you care and \"protect\" your friends misery just sod off mate
and id tear you a new one but ur not worth it not really
really? you mean like how you called me a pedophile just because i stood up for myself? and how you practically begged me after she deleted her account for her info? you use people. people are only \"something to gain something from\" to you. you disgust me. leave me and my friends alone. i\'m entitled to my opinion about you and i think you are an incredibly sick, deluded person. don\'t make me report you to DS for harassment by using my name in this journal
Nevermind shendelzare, things got mixed up. Sorry
okay so im reeeeeeeely itching to give sweetmisery a reply here but im gonna be a good boy and try a new approach just like pearl told me also i dont wanna get my ass banned so ummm
sweetmisery yadda yadda yadda ishnu\' alah and ishnu dal dieb my friend may the goddess light your path and show you the way to truth peace be with you brother go your way...
kristen nicoles comment has only been removed at her request
AND LOOK AT THE COMMENTS ON THIS ONE I MEAN THERES PEOPLE WHO HATE ME READING THIS STUFF AND PEOPLE WHO WANNA MOTHER ME READING THIS STUFF FUCK THERES EVEN PRETTY GIRLS READING MY JOURNAL FML WHO\'D HAVE THOUGHT IT
IV BECOME QUITE A CELEBRITY
OooO YEAH