the way i feel
Im sick of this life and im tired of fighting and struggling everyday with the things ive done, still do and desire to do.i have nobody to talk to about any of it.Those that say they care only pretend to do so just for the chance to pass judgement.There isnt a soul around that cares about the hurt and abandonment i feel and have felt for years, or the fact I feel more alone than i ever have in my life.
Yes! Im having an affair but that doesnt define who I am as a person.It just shows a line i clearly drew and decided to step over. As a person, i am very loving, caring, intelligent. I am a mother of three great children. That is what defines me as a person, nothing else.
As a wife, i felt worthless. I felt that nothing i did was of any interest to my husband and wasnt worth his time or effort. I was left to live my life and fight for the things i wanted while he stood as far away as possible. I got tired of being alone and decided to change that. The affair was not intended, it just happened, i cant change that. Not that i want to by any means.
We decided to try for a friendship ( the husband and I ). Thats not going so well and i dont think it ever will. I cant ask a single question without him becoming irritated or me going off over the answer. I guess thats how it will always be, I dont know how it could be anything else to be honest.My desperate actions have destroyed anything good that was left between us and now there is truly nothing.
Even though Im the one who comitted the act of an affair, I still mourn the good things we had once. Once upon a time my husband was my everything, my rock and my net. The one person i turned to for everything but he stopped being that along time ago. I dont know what happened to us. Everything just stopped like the world had fallen. I had hoped and prayed many nights that things would go back to the way they were but they never did, they just got worse and continue to get worse.
I have nothing left to offer in this life. Everyday i go to sleep and i actually pray that i dont wake back up becouse i cant do it again knowing things are still going to be a nightmare. I cant look at or feel the hate from people anymore and sometimes its so strong that its unbearable. The depression, the loneliness and the anger i carry everyday is to much. Im tired of this life and i want out....
This part is to my husband....Im sorry i was never what you wanted or thought you were getting in a wife.Im sorry i expected the things i wanted from you. Im sorry for everytime i ever said or did anything to hurt you emotionally and physically. Im sorry i pulled that knife on you. Im sorry for wanting to run you over with my car. Im sorry for all of it. I hope you get everything you ever wanted in life. I hope that one day you can be happy and be happy with someone great in this life, someone who deserves you.
Something has to give becouse i cant and wont live this way anymore!
Yes! Im having an affair but that doesnt define who I am as a person.It just shows a line i clearly drew and decided to step over. As a person, i am very loving, caring, intelligent. I am a mother of three great children. That is what defines me as a person, nothing else.
As a wife, i felt worthless. I felt that nothing i did was of any interest to my husband and wasnt worth his time or effort. I was left to live my life and fight for the things i wanted while he stood as far away as possible. I got tired of being alone and decided to change that. The affair was not intended, it just happened, i cant change that. Not that i want to by any means.
We decided to try for a friendship ( the husband and I ). Thats not going so well and i dont think it ever will. I cant ask a single question without him becoming irritated or me going off over the answer. I guess thats how it will always be, I dont know how it could be anything else to be honest.My desperate actions have destroyed anything good that was left between us and now there is truly nothing.
Even though Im the one who comitted the act of an affair, I still mourn the good things we had once. Once upon a time my husband was my everything, my rock and my net. The one person i turned to for everything but he stopped being that along time ago. I dont know what happened to us. Everything just stopped like the world had fallen. I had hoped and prayed many nights that things would go back to the way they were but they never did, they just got worse and continue to get worse.
I have nothing left to offer in this life. Everyday i go to sleep and i actually pray that i dont wake back up becouse i cant do it again knowing things are still going to be a nightmare. I cant look at or feel the hate from people anymore and sometimes its so strong that its unbearable. The depression, the loneliness and the anger i carry everyday is to much. Im tired of this life and i want out....
This part is to my husband....Im sorry i was never what you wanted or thought you were getting in a wife.Im sorry i expected the things i wanted from you. Im sorry for everytime i ever said or did anything to hurt you emotionally and physically. Im sorry i pulled that knife on you. Im sorry for wanting to run you over with my car. Im sorry for all of it. I hope you get everything you ever wanted in life. I hope that one day you can be happy and be happy with someone great in this life, someone who deserves you.
Something has to give becouse i cant and wont live this way anymore!
Replies