The Visit

1/29/2013. This was a big day one year ago. Dina had been making slow but steady improvements over the previous month and a half. There was still a long road ahead but everything indicated she was on the path to a full recovery. She still had to endure daily medical issues; battle through even the slightest physical therapy; shiver her way through dialysis sessions; and do her best to navigate some pretty intense panic attacks and depressive bouts, neither of which existed prior to 12/15/2012. Despite all of this, things were on the right track. There was, however, one big event still looming…a visit from Hannah, who was almost three at the time. They hadn’t seen each other in 6+ weeks. It broke Dina’s heart to not be able to see her but at the same time she was scared. Obviously she had to be medically stable but she also had to be mentally ready for it. She was scared that Hannah wouldn’t remember her. Or be scared to see her. She finally got to a point where she felt ready for this (with a little push from our favorite nurse!), so we made a plan.
 Throughout those 6+ weeks I talked about Dina with Hannah all the time. She would ask questions quite a bit but understood enough to know that Mommy was very sick and needed to get a little better before she could see her. It was not an easy 6 weeks but she was a trooper considering how drastically our lives had changed. As it got closer I took a picture of Dina so that she could see her as she was, tubes and all, which she thought was funny to see, especially the tube in her nose! The big day came. The nurses (who, to reiterate, took better care of Dina for the two months she was in the ICU than I ever could have expected) had brought her to a waiting room across the hall and set up some games and other stuff for Hannah. The social worker had even picked up a treat from the cafeteria for Dina to give to Hannah. When we got there Hannah hesitated for a minute because of the nurses but after a minute she walked over to Dina as if we were in our own living room. She touched her, talked to her and hugged her. She didn’t see any of the tubes or bruises. She didn’t care that she was in a wheel chair with an IV tube and vital sign monitor next to her. She didn’t care that Dina wasn’t able to say anything or do a whole lot for her. She saw her Mommy and that was all that mattered. It was a little bittersweet for Dina. She was thrilled to have seen her but it was very hard for her to think about after we left. But in the end it was a huge boost. And it began regular visits until a few days before Dina died in April. She always said she did better on the days she saw Hannah. Whether they colored, looked at books, sat together and watched a movie or Hannah was cheering Dina on as she practiced walking again it didn’t matter, they were together. They don’t get many patients in the cardiac ICU (or the respiratory unit she moved on to next) with kids that young so Hannah became a VIP!
 It is very hard to think about the fact that their last 4 months together were spent by way of a few visits each week in a hospital setting. Nothing will ever replace the time she lost with her mother but in a way I’m glad Hannah got to see that. She witnessed how strong and inspirational Dina was and saw how hard she was fighting to get home to ‘her baby’ that she adored more than anything in this world. I hope when she gets older she remembers some of those visits. And I hope she possesses even half the courage and strength that her mother had. Because if she does she’ll be just fine.