the ups and then the downs

I was down yesterday because my husband left again for another six weeks.  I hate when he leaves but its part of his job.  Last night when I was feeling really lonely I went to bible study at the church.  Getting in touch with God helped me not feel so bad about him being gone again.  I was feeling pretty good because my mobility since the ablation was starting to really improve.  I'm a person who hates walking with a cane I just feel weak when I do and hate that feeling.  I hate using the electric carts at the stores for the same reason makes me feel weak and lazy and I hate that feeling.  But since before I had surgery on my foot last year I have been reduced to using an electric cart when I go to the store to do my shopping because my back and hip won't let me walk even a short distance without screaming.  Even the local small store has been impossible to walk through and I have had to use their cart.  Its been frustrating to me and I consistently try to do my shopping under my own power.  The last few months I haven't even been able to walk the short distance to my mail box without hurting.   Yesterday however, was a good day in that regard.  I needed just a few items from the store (been craving chicken salad and I make it myself so that I can control the calories and what goes in it), and decided I was going to try my own power with the aid of the cart once again.  I was able to do it, I walked the few isles that I needed to shop and checked out.  Yes when I got to my car I was hurting because my body was protesting against what I had done but the feeling of accomplishment that I got from that made me feel really good.  Yes right now when I am walking I am using my cane right now cause I need to rely on it but I am moving more once again.  I am giving myself a few more days to heal from the ablation as I still have a muscle that is knotted up to the size of a small baseball and the doctor said it will take a few more days.  Technically its only been nine days since the ablation and the doctor said it could take up to ten until I developed this muscle thing and then he said I was one of the rare ones that would more than likely take as long as 14 days before I feel better.   So I am going to give myself until Sunday and see how I feel then.  On Sunday I am going to start walking again just a block at a time but I am going to do it.  I am also going to enroll in the YMCA on the first when I get my check so that I can go to the pool and do some exercises.  I would like to get myself worked up to walking a mile a day again, doing three days of one hour of cardio/aerobic exercise a week, and two hours of muscle building a week.  Depending on when I get my surgery this may or may not happen but I am going to work towards that for my goal.  This way after the surgery I will be ready to do more as well.