The up and down moments

Today was a good and bad day. My husband and I woke up today knowing that we are going to the store to get groceries. We live sort of close to an Albertsons and we had decided to walk but when we woke up we realized it was very cold, too cold for our girls to walk in. So I told my husband we better take the bus and that is all it took to get his PTSD going. He started shaking and had that look on his face that he gets when his PTSD is really bad. And he got very impatient and agitated. I then became fustrated and agitated as well and the next thing we were arguing. He was saying that it is not his fault that he has PTSD and that I should understand this and I was telling him that I am only human and I have emotions too and that if he wanted a numb wife then I was not the one becuase I hurt and feel too. Then came the silence all throughout the bus ride until we got to the store. Then right before we got into the store he hugged and kissed me and we said sorry to each other. I realized that I get fustrated with my husband and then I feel guilty becuase I feel this pressure that I should understand and take what I get because of his PTSD. And then I get angry becuase I feel this is not fair for me and I have feelings too and I think what about me. Today is my venting day.