The Universe is sending me signals

Somehow I manage to get myself into bad situations.  It's not such a terrible situation but it's enough to hurt others in the process and it's enough for me to be afraid to leap out of it.  It has been very hard to talk to people.  Most of my close friends are online.

Having online friends have been safe for me for the most part.  I recently signed up for Social Media.  I have always been under the radar.  I touched base with some old friends and it feels good to have them back in my life.  I have a tendancy to isolate myself.

It's been a recipe of untrust of people, feelings of unworthiness and just self inflicted chaos in my life.  I am currently in a situation where I am living with someone Im pretty sure I don't love in the way they love me back.  I've tried.  Told myself that it's right becuase there has been no chaos.  Truth is, the love I have for this person is purely because they are so peaceful.  But, they are so peaceful that we don't communicate.  I think it's because we are both quiet people and try and stay away from toxic people.  But,

there is no passion and I find that that is the part I'm missing.  I am a very passionate person.  This person grew up in a rural part of the world, never got married and had no children.  I've had that, the kids, the marriage. 

This person has health issues that could be fatal if they don't change their lifestyle.  I have always tried taking care of myself by eating decent and exercising, but this person drinks and smokes.  Sometimes I look at them and wonder is my self esteem so low that I would just settle. I know this is very selfish, but, I have settled my whole life and don't want to anymore.  I think I am just stuck in the caretaker mentality...and this will be to my detrement if I don't do something about it now.  I currently live with this person,  I've split up from him once and went back out out of necessity and tried to make it work again.  But, those old feelings are coming back again.  The feelings of there being "something more".  I find myself staying out of the house as much as possible.

His relatives live there with us.  It's too cramped and I'm suffocating.  This person recently asked me to meet there parents, and last night suggested we move out and find a place to live together.  These are signs for me that I must do something.  Stay and Settle or Leap and Land Blindly.  I say Blindly because we can try and control where we go in life but life has a way of shifting things.  We only think we know.