The Twilight Zone.....

It seems that I'm doing fine without him. I don't think about him as much, but of course he crosses my mind here or there. Today I saw him, I have tint on my car windows now, so he didn't see me. He appears to be doing just fine. He had someone in the car, but I didn't really look to see who it was, but I'm sure it was a female. And I must admit that it hurts like hell. It's as if I'm walking in the twilight zone, as if I'm in a foreign place. I just can't seem to come to grips with a person dominating 2 years of your life, PRETENDING to love you to no end, yet they can do what he did, get kicked out and just go on about his/her life like NOTHING ever happened. I don't know what I expect. Maybe for once to see him alone, looking guilt ridden..hell I don't know. But the few times I have seen him..he seems to be happy and content. Doesn't seem to me that he thinks about me AT ALL and that hurts.  I let him go without a fight, because I feel I shouldn't have had to. If he loved me like he said, he wouldn't have done the things he did. He wouldn't have done it the way he did. I mean had I not kicked him out, he would have kept on dealing with other women behind my back, emailing the hoe downstairs while he sat only inches away from me on my sofa. Sleeping in my bed at night KNOWING all along what he was doing. His mom has the baby. She's keeping him until Sunday, yet instead of him being there with him, he's riding up and down the street, selling weed I'M SURE, with another random female with him, smiling, happy, content. While I just bust my ass to make ends meet. Yeah I meet guys all the time, but truthfully NOTHING of interest at all. I haven't been with a guy in months. I won't just accept anything and I'm particular. My roommate has a face-book account. I closed mine. But I still peek at his page. Why? To see who he's dealing with, who has been added. It's up to 170 friends now. I must admit I look at the photos, I guess I'm comparing..and it's no comparison with most. They are mostly college girls and quite a few high schoolers which I expect because they are YOUNG AND DUMB and easily controlled. I feel as if I never ever existed in his life and I wonder HOW DO THEY DO THAT. Men ...they walk away like OH WELL. I just don't understand and it hurts. In the back of my mind I wonder if he ever thinks of me, and when and if he does, what does he think. Does he ever miss me or think of all the fun we had before he got busted. People tell me all the time that he has to miss me..but from the smile that is always on his face. I don't think so. I'm crying now. I have to..it's the only way to release the hurt/pain. I'll never understand and I will never forget how he treated me..never!