The Truth

The truth is that I am a failure as a mother.  Everything I've been led to believe (especially about the power of nurture) was wrong.  Even if you "follow the experts' advice" and give 'em a lot of love doesn't mean they'll turn out right.
I'm not sure what I did wrong.  All I know is that it's obvious I didnt' do it right.  Yeah, my daughter is turning out pretty good (so far).  But I think it's luck, because I hardly had to try with her.
What kind of mother has a child who swears at & throws things at his parents after a nice evening of watching a Christmas tree being lit?  What kind of mother has a child who will not do ANY schoolwork, despite PPTs, SRTs, interventions, tests, extra help, discipline, etc.?  I'll tell you:  A failure of a mother.
Growing up, I always thought I could parent better than my mom.  Well, all her kids turned out a heck of a lot better than mine.  So much for that.
If I could give him up for adoption, I would, because there is nothing more I can do for him & obviously what I am doing doesn't help.  But my husband would never consent to it.
I can't bring myself to end things any other way.  I don't want to hurt my daughter.  But it's been too hard to even smile lately.