The Time Has Come.

It's really do or die time.  Do something about my living situation or I will die.  Do something about how I spend my days, something about my insecurities, something about everything that bothers me or I'll end up killing myself.  Over the past couple of days, I've been looking up stuff online about how to make up my goals, different ways to recognize what I really want in life, and how to accomplish them.  I'm very irritable lately, but if I honestly let everything that happens get to me...I'll never accomplish anything.  I guess I'm feeling slightly better if I can think this way...b/c believe me, I've only been awake for 30 minutes and this is what's happened so far:
Came upstairs, went to the bathroom, one of the shades fell down off the window.  So I went to fix that, and it was tangled in the hamper full of clothes below it, finally got it hung up and had to fix every other blind.  I decide to go and sit in the kitchen (which is NOT usual for me), so I can just relax and drink coffee and journal.  I get the table all set up and I'm about to make my cup of coffee and have my first cigarette of the day...and here comes Grandma, walking into the kitchen and asking me to make her a cup of coffee.  I don't mind making her a cup of coffee, but since she's decided to come and sit at the kitchen table, I now have to move my entire set up to another room b/c I won't smoke around my Grandma.  There was only enough instant coffee for 1 cup, so I had to go into the back porch to get more, then there wasn't enough sweetener for 2 cups, so I had to go back again and get more.  I moved my things into the computer room, since my daughter chose to sleep on the couch again...and the light is out in the computer room, so I go to the closet to get a new one.  There's too much stuff in the way of the closet door, so I try to move the bags, but the bag breaks and all its contents are all over the floor, so I pick it all up and they keep falling....I finally get into the closet and the bulbs are not where they should be.  I search a little while and finally find one.  Put it in and my son tells me that a lamp fell right above my daughter's head.  Sure enough, I don't know how, but a sturdy stained glass lamp is knocked over right above her head.  So I move that back to where it belongs and finally get onto DS to write in my journal...and now the cursor keeps jumping to any part of the page at any time by itself...so I have to keep erasing and rewriting stuff.
Well, I just wrote a whole bunch about how I'm not going to let any of that stuff bother me....but my computer decided to highlight and erase it ALL.  I'm going to try to not let it all bother me too much, but now I'm going to stop writing in this journal and take a breather before it erases again and I throw my laptop against the wall.