The Talk...Again

2/16/2013. A year ago yesterday was yet another date among many that I will always remember.  It was a Saturday last year and Dina was having a hard time that week.  She wasn't herself.  She was retaining fluid again and it was impacting her mental state (too much carbon dioxide being retained).  When she was focused it was as if she were angry with everyone.  Those that knew her know that wasn't her, even under the circumstances we were dealing with back then.  When I got there that Saturday she was very sluggish and sleepy.  Our favorite nurse was on that day and she was concerned but no one seemed to be listening, even though she knew Dina better than anyone there at that point.  The renal doctor (dialysis) that was covering that day had never met Dina.  As soon as he walked in the room to check in with her he knew she wasn't right.  He pushed and got the ball rolling on sorting this out.  As it turns out there was a lot of fluid build up again, as we had expected.  In addition to draining the fluid she unfortunately needed to be intubated to make sure she was getting enough oxygen.  We were rightfully asked to wait outside for a bit while they took care of this.  After a while another nurse we knew well came out and moved us to a conference room.  At that point those of us there knew something was going on.  Then they came to get my MIL and me.  It wasn't great news.  While they were intubating her she aspirated her right lung (got fluid in it), which obviously is not a good thing.  On top of that is was tube feeding that was sitting high in her esophagus so it was a chemical based fluid.  She was struggling to get her oxygen levels back up without tremendous assistance, such as the ventilator and meds.  There my MIL and I stood, almost two months to the day that we first thought she was going to die, being given the speech yet again.  They were not sure how this was going to play out.  If she didn't start getting those levels up on her own there were going to be decisions to be made.  It didn't seem possible that this was actually happening again.  She had made good strides in those two months and now this.  But, like she had been doing all along, she fought.  And guess what?  She did it again.  Slowly but steadily her oxygen levels were going up with less assistance.  As things started to stable out more I left.  I had told our daughter that I was going to see her later and it was already getting late.  I'm sure she wouldn't have noticed but I didn't want her to feel like I wasn't there for her.  And I needed to see her at that point.  I was in regular contact with my MIL and felt confident that the worst was behind us.
Within a few days, and aside from the lung infection, it was as if nothing had happened.  She didn't remember it  or most of the week leading up to it.  That following Wednesday she was finally moved out of the ICU and started her tour of the respiratory floor.  She was amazingly strong and inspiring and I don't know anyone else that could fight through everything she fought through.