The Talk
I need to have the "Talk". Yesterday i was feeling wishy washy but this morning Im getting ignored. He parked himself on the couch and turned the tv on. When I went in to have a conversation with him he just ignored me...when i asked him what he was doing today he said he was going to work on the Nova. Im not exactly sure what i am in this relationship other than just a roommate who should set boundaries. Hes really making it easy for me. There is no physical relationship, I pay half the bills and rent. Im nothing more than a roommate. He cant have it both ways and Im allowing it. I think Im going to get up and get dressed and see if he even notices im gone. Am I being unreasonable?
Replies
You are not being unreasonable but a female like me . I think we are too kind to some who want their cake and to eat it to .My husband has days like that which I find offensive and can't understand .He is kind to me most of the times .Males and females think differently .We are emotional creatures .
I solidly believe that "reasonable" is as personal as life gets. I doesn't believe any two people have identical reasons for much of anything. If you are staying true to your own reasoning, you are being reasonable.
But *when* I have been in your shoes, my version of "The Talk" amounted to a courtesy notice to the landlord. If I don't see a future for the roomie and I, I don't see the point in using a million words where a few would do. "I'm moving on XXX date." was all she wrote. For sure I have never cared whether any of my roommates knew I was gone, or not. Insert Hank Williams here, "If you mind your own business, you won't be minding mine."
For what it's worth:
I can spot and will evade any of the classic "The Talks" from a million miles off. Rejection is hard enough to take without the character assassination that tends to go with "The Talks," of whatever flavor of *Thee." Just color me gone, and/or get ye gone if you the one who has invaded my turf. Spare me the preach.
I think it's a case of both of you desiring different things. It sounds like he wants a roommate to help with the household expenses and a friend to talk to once in awhile.
On the other hand, you are looking for either a serious relationship that could one day lead to a marriage or you want just an fwb to help you feel loved, wanted, happy and satisfied.
I think you have to clarify what you are looking for in your relationship with him and then ask him how he defines his relationship with you and then ask him if he is happy with what he has.
If your desires do not match then you will need to find another way...or another person to get what you want.
It looks simple from my viewpoint but I am sure from your perspective, it is more complicated then that. Try to look at it from your heart instead of what we say here..
God Bless
I am...my gut just nags at me...of course, my guilt keeps me here. At the end of the day i still feel unhappy and unfullfilled. I just think I need more time by myself and before when i left i told him Ive never gotten to live on my own and have my own space and things and likes and dislikes...of all people i thought hed understand because he chose never to marry and never to kids. As Elvis says....its now or never for me. Stilll....the fear overtakes me.