The Trip!
My best friend (lost her husband 4 years ago) and I took our trip to colorado. We left Tuesday and arrived back home on Sunday. The trip was bitter sweet. We spent many hours in the car and hotel crying, laughing and reminising. On the 23rd (three months since my husband passed) we went to Estes Park. It was a good distraction. The mountains are glorious, but it was not the same without him there. We of course shopped for our grand kids and took many breaks just to reflect on the beauty. I did not have the gumption to drive by the cabin we always stayed in or Lilly Lake where my daughter was married. We did visit the Stanley Hotel (the shining) where we had dinner after my daughters wedding. When we got back to the hotel my daughter had posted on facebook that my little Lola recieved a birthday card in the mail from her great grandpa and at first she thought it was a card from her Grandpa in Heaven! I lost it. I was crushed! How do you explain to a six year old that she will never get a card from grandpa, that he will never hold her, or kiss her or tease her again? He was so special to her and she to him. I can't explain it to her because I am still asking WHY? I do know that grief follows you where ever you go! By Saturday night we chose to head home in the morning. She was missing her daughter, son in law and grands. (they live with her). And I was missing my dogs and my comfort zone. So we arrived home Sunday evening. She to her family, and me to an empty house and my dogs. (son that lives with me is in Florida for a job interview). My dogs were happy to see me, but my husband wasn't here to share my trip with. I wore his ashes in my locket the whole time and kept looking for signs from him. but there were none. So now back to reality!Three of my light fixtures quit working. The weeds are thriving so much that the code enforcement officer was here. And my husbands truck won't start.(probably the battery). And here is my new life. It sucks, I just want to be with him where ever he is. I feel like I am right back where I started. I hate this roller coaster and the whole damn amusement park. Nothing at all "FUN" about it.
Replies
Michele,
It takes a brave, brave woman to do what you did.....And you did it!!!!
It didn\'t change things, but you will look back on that trip, and you will realize,
It was a huge step forward. ....It\'s those brave steps that begin the foundation,
For you new life. The aftermath, of coming home and things are still the same, takes a little time to get over. When I came back from my trip to England, i went through the same sadness.
Big hugs,.....(I did miss you!!!).........Sandra
Bittersweet for sure. But it was good you got away. When you get away you are going forward. Coming home is hard, but it is your comfort zone place. You have come some way from where you started.Tears don\'t magically disappear because it is 3 months or three years. The hope is that they are gentler tears? I don\'t know, but i am glad you made it back safely! Hugs Patti
You did it!! The bitter sweet moments come too often. Yep, this new life sucks big time!!! Sending you hugs. Enjoy being home, as much as you can.
Getting away for a bit can be helpful, but coming back, not so much... Hang in there. I too keep my love\'s ashes in a case on a chain around my neck, and believe it or not, it is reassuring.
I tried running away from grief too! It followed me. As time passes and we keep pushing it does get easier. The loniness and not having anyone to share things with are the worse! I\'m glad you went, wait a couple of months and go somewhere new. I went to Az and spent a week with my niece and had a few signs that I totally didn\'t expect. He loved to make pancakes for the grandkids, (had his own special ingredient) and he only liked real maple syrup. When we walked in the cabin my niece said \"do you smell maple syrup?\" and I did, she said the housekeeper that cleaned the cabin b4 we got there thought she was nuts when she asked her. But I could smell it. His favorite bird was the hawk and I see one every place I travel to. It does get easier.
Rachel
Oh Michelle...I was so hoping it would be a better time but when I reflect on my first few ventures away ..the same thing happened to me. The sadness of something special never to be the same and then the ugly realization of the home responsibilities. The main thing though is you did it...you tried..you could of said F it and stayed in bed for the weekend but you didn\'t and for that please pat your self on the back..or even the ass..cuz sometimes we just have to!!! Your grand daughter is too young to understand why her grandpa isn\'t here but when that time comes I have a feeling you will explain it the only way the one person that truly understood the depth of his love for her can...and it will be a beautiful story of love. My friend Im glad you are back home..safe with the dogs and I wish nothing but a nice peaceful rest for you!!! Don\'t ever forget you have all of us..we are your scarecrows...your tin men and even your cowardly lions....gotta give you a few more hugs!!!!
Well done for trying. It will be better next time.
Michelle, in a trip of a few days, you did what I could imagine to do for a whole week. You are really amazing....you are on your way in healing. I am very proud of you, my friend. Hugs, Tiger