The Sweetness of a 4 year old
There are a few Christmas songs that Hannah likes listening to year round (much to my disappointment!). Yesterday while I was making dinner she asked me to put one of them on. Since I was busy I just left the Christmas music playing while we ate and cleaned up. Just as it was time to start getting her ready for bed the Ray Charles song from Christmas Vacation came on. This is the song that plays when Chevy Chase is locked in the attic and he starts watching some old videos of Christmases when he was young. I've heard this song a few times this past Christmas season but for some reason it really hit me last night...Hannah isn't going to have very many Christmas videos of her and Dina together to look back on when she is older. And that sucks.
This hit me while we were in Hannah's room about to put her pj's on and I couldn't keep it in any longer (not that I try to around her) and I began crying. Her immediate reaction was to put her hand on my cheek and tell me I don't need to be sad. She then started talking about Dina and brought something in my room that would make me think of Mommy and be happy. Finally, when I was kneeling on the floor and she was sitting she laid her head down on my leg for a minute. As hard as it is to think about all the things that she will miss out on doing with her mother throughout her life I can't imagine going through this without her.
This hit me while we were in Hannah's room about to put her pj's on and I couldn't keep it in any longer (not that I try to around her) and I began crying. Her immediate reaction was to put her hand on my cheek and tell me I don't need to be sad. She then started talking about Dina and brought something in my room that would make me think of Mommy and be happy. Finally, when I was kneeling on the floor and she was sitting she laid her head down on my leg for a minute. As hard as it is to think about all the things that she will miss out on doing with her mother throughout her life I can't imagine going through this without her.
Replies
I know that feeling...There are so few videos of my husband. He disliked being recorded or photographed. Its hard to imagine raising the children without him. I\'m sad that my daughter will not remember him at all since she was four months old when he passed away.
Reading your journal is like seeing a glimpse of your heart. It really touches me and I will keep you and Hannah in my daily prayers. You are a loving father and will raise Hannah to be a strong and loving woman. Thank you for sharing your journal. It really is so raw and tender.