The sunday after...
Today was a rough day. the first day i elcectedly stayed home from attending church. I have missed a day or two here before but usually was very regular. but today was the first day I accepted as no desire to return to that church. I did try and go last week but the incredibly chilly reception i recived and even one confrontation demanding if i had spoken to my leaders and was 'allowed' to be there pretty much closed the book. They are hurting, the people, the leaders, the whole church period and the stress is causing hostile reactions i'm not in agreeance with, so i want to depart with peace and see if i can find my faith somewhere else. My belief has become very personal with a respect for anyone who has faith and kindness. I don't care what you belive if you do good, just beleive in something. I really feel many (especially the youth) have no faith in a higher power or a hope of a better life after this one and this is causing so much dispear and tragic suicides.
But today was hard because of Dogmatic worries, doubting if i'm doing the right thing and mentally arguing my religious convictions. It also adds a mountain of whieght on my shoulders because that was one place i regullarly saw my wonderful autistic son. Not going is one less chance to see him. The mother/grand-mother are wonderful people, but the busyness of this world makes it hard for us to get together so i can see him.
The weight of the season is also harsh. My birthday is on the 26th and if its anything like the last three, i'll get a phone call from my mom, a 'happy birthday' song and thats it. I tell myself it's no big deal and for the most it isn't, just another day. but sometimes you like to feel wanted.
The upcomming season will be hard for many people, many people here and that's sad. it's supposed to be a joyous time and thankfullness. I'm very thankfull to you all and hope and pray that each one of you can find happiness. If anyone is very sad over the hollidays please feel free to send a message. you don't need to spend it alone. Thank you to you all. with Love
Replies
(((((((((((((((((Friendship hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
Are you my sister seperated at birth? LoL
My birthday is in a few weeks and it will be just another day as I have been long forgotten. My mom threw me under the bus a long time ago.......and I only have 2 friends left. However, I will make my own little celebration somehow.....sigh.
I'd rather be alone than surrounded by a bunch of fake unloving and judgemental sheeple. I'm a lone wolf.
I dedicate the song "I Wish You Peace" by The Eagles. Listen to it on Youtube. I would attach the link, but don't know how to do that on my tablet.
I worked at a funeral home for 30 years. Believe it or not, this time of the year is not the highest time of suicide......July and August are. This is the highest time of the year for depression and loneliness though.
Whatever you do, don't isolate yourself.
I recently joined an improv class and am having a blast. I haven't made any close friends, but everyone is nice to me.......no judgment and we act crazy :)
Maybe you can find something fun to do and be around ppl with similar interests. Chances are you will find ppl with the same or similar beliefs. Plus it beats sitting around dwelling on those that don't want you.
Take care and know I care.
Have a Happy Turkey Day!
Deb aka MsBlank1
The fact that your son is part of that congregation sure changes the impact of the congregational attitude shift. When you talked about it before, it sounded like it was just you against a pack of judgementalists. Losing that weekly visit with your son is a horse of a different color. I don't believe I would let anybody take that from me. I have far more faith in family than any religious dogma.
But it remains yours to sort. Gentle support while you sort.
I'm not sure if you meant your b-day was Nov 26 or is Dec 26. So I will say Happy Belated Birthday in case it was Nov 26th and Happy Very Early Birthday if its Dec 26th. It's hard spending b-day away from family. Even tho I'm "used" to it because when I got married, we moved 2000 miles away. And now I cannot afford to move back. I still find b-days and holidays bitter sweet.
I used to dread spending b-days & the holidays alone. But what I realized is it wasn't the day. It was the anticipation. For a few years I had a friend to spend them with, but she went off in another direction, so now I"m back to spending the day alone. I'm grateful that I usually get to see my son & dil & gk's sometime around xmas. They're not all that great about calling except on mom's day & my bday. And I know that's a lot more than many people have. So I count my blessings.
I'm with MsBlank about not isolating yourself. I hope you have options in your area to join discussion groups, book clubs, writing groups, art groups. etc. She's right, you'll find people with similar beliefs.
I hope you find creative ways to spend time with your son.