The Struggle
Just when I think I'm ok, everything crushes down on me like a tonne of bricks over my chest.
I feel heavy with pain and sadness and it's so hard to get out from under all the weight of everything on my shoulders.I feel so incredibly lost.I don't know what I want.I don't know who I want to be.I don't know who my real friends are. And it's so hard to accept that and keep going. I just want answers, I want to figure my shit out and know where I'm going in life. It's so hard and frustrating because my heart tells me to do one thing, buy my head tells me to do another.I'm always one to tell people to follow their hearts but right now I'm not sure if that's been the right decision. I'm getting hurt by people I care about and I miss them even after the things they do and I don't want drama, I couldn't give a shit about the gossip people spread - I just want people I can rely on and care about and know they wont mess with the friendship we have with each other as well as others. Sometimes I get that odd occasion of not being able to feel any emotion at all. It's so rare, it hardly ever happens yet each time it does I'm baffled. I'm even relieved sometimes, just to have all the pain switch off. But then again sometime I hate it, because I'm upset but I can't cry. I can't release all the stress and anger bottled up. I can't feel for things i care about. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but if you have experienced it, I'm sure you understand. I'll tell you what though, I hate feeling even more than being emotionally numb. It's like being dragged to the bottom of the ocean and being weighed down and although you're drowning - you never actually reach death. You just suffer for an immeasurable amount of time instead.
I feel heavy with pain and sadness and it's so hard to get out from under all the weight of everything on my shoulders.I feel so incredibly lost.I don't know what I want.I don't know who I want to be.I don't know who my real friends are. And it's so hard to accept that and keep going. I just want answers, I want to figure my shit out and know where I'm going in life. It's so hard and frustrating because my heart tells me to do one thing, buy my head tells me to do another.I'm always one to tell people to follow their hearts but right now I'm not sure if that's been the right decision. I'm getting hurt by people I care about and I miss them even after the things they do and I don't want drama, I couldn't give a shit about the gossip people spread - I just want people I can rely on and care about and know they wont mess with the friendship we have with each other as well as others. Sometimes I get that odd occasion of not being able to feel any emotion at all. It's so rare, it hardly ever happens yet each time it does I'm baffled. I'm even relieved sometimes, just to have all the pain switch off. But then again sometime I hate it, because I'm upset but I can't cry. I can't release all the stress and anger bottled up. I can't feel for things i care about. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but if you have experienced it, I'm sure you understand. I'll tell you what though, I hate feeling even more than being emotionally numb. It's like being dragged to the bottom of the ocean and being weighed down and although you're drowning - you never actually reach death. You just suffer for an immeasurable amount of time instead.
Replies
I know what you mean when you say you get hurt by people you care about and then miss them that has happened to me but if they keep hurting you then they aren\'t really your friends don\'t let them keep hurting you because the emotional pain just gets worse if you let them keep hurting you like the person who cyber-bullied me online a couple years ago it took me a year or 2 to get over it now it\'s just a story i tell sometimes when I need to tell people that i have trusting issues and that girl who did it is out of my life now so the best thing to do is to not let them hurt you just whoever is hurting you if you tried to talk it out with them and they don\'t listen just walk away their the ones that are losing you as a friend if they are being mean to you if you ever want to chat i\'m here you can just message me.