The Strange Thought
Why do I need anything more than myself to be happy? Shouldn't I be happy alone? And if I am happy alone what difference does it make what I do?
I have lost my confidence, my decision making ability and feel anxiety when alone. These facts make me think I had become overly dependent on my divorced spouse. And this is lost dependency is the cause of my anxiety. I will attend codependency group therapy this week to see if this docussion reduces my anxiety and improves my happy moments.
I think dependency may be the root cause because I do not feel jealously at the loss of my spouse or shame. My therapist asked about the shame, but I did not feel any. I became overly dependent on one person.
Replies
I wont call you LostAndy,
Ill call you FindingAndy.
Isnt it interesting how we lose ourselves in our marriages? I have been seperated since Sept and Im still uncomfortable being alone. It has gotten easier. I just went to first court hearing this week and saw ex spouse for first time. When we first split, I missed him but after alot of thought I decided I just missed his presence. How could I possibly miss the person he was after he treated me so badly? Since this date, I have received text and emails from him about how badly his life is right now. If you read any of my journals you will now that Ive had a really rough go the last few months.
As I wanted so badly to return to the person I was before my marriage I find that its difficult because Im older and shaped by my experiences over the last few years. Im actually mourning the loss of the person I was. Im 45 and starting over from nothing.
Its new, its scary, its the unknown. All I can do is continue to go to counseling and moving ahead day by day and not worry too much about what the future holds. I am so sorry about where you are at right now and I totally understand where your coming from! Please feel free to friend me and text as much as needed. I am Kelly by the way.
Broken_Bridges