the start

being 40 and prego, not sure if I am up to that,  dealing with Mom passing with no closure, last real words I had from her was well I didn't have a good wedding why should you..., Joe dying and his wife having major issues to turn on all of his friends, Ben passing away last year and realizing that most of my friends will not live the same life expectancy as myself. Knowing I need to loose weight down 20 but about 96 more to go. Husband wanting a child so bad he can taste it and also being high anxiety himself. Trying to be a good wife and a good mother to the dog. Wanting to be there for my niece being her mom is out of the picture but there is no respect coming from her because her father is teaching her that way. Do not want to be around my brother because of the abuse verbal and physical that he has given me over the years.   Trying to be a good daughter to my dad but Mom got in the way of us being close.   Mom was bipolar and childhood was interesting. Husband working hard on house but the house will be under construction for atleast the next 3 yrs.
 
Positive thoughts,
I own a home, I have a great job and great coworkers.
I have a loving husband who is trying to help, and got a very loving dog.  I got my health minus anxiety. This house will be beautiful someday. I had a loving grandmother that was a great role model.