The Shelf

Tuesday night when I had the panic attack that never ends (yes it goes on and on my friend....)  I was in the kitchen, wanting to put a box of crackers in the cupboard.  Well, my shelf was tilted - it was off one of the 4 nails it sits on.  All my soda, cans of soup, snack food, etc are on that shelf.  I couldn't get the new box of crackers in, without rearranging stuff.  I couldn't rearrange stuff cuz the shelf was falling in.  I had to take everything off the shelf and adjust it back onto the nails.
Okay - I'm in the middle of a panic attack.  Before opening the cupboard I stood for ten minutes at the counter with the crackers trying to get out of the paralyzed feeling.  It was quite the process for me to get control of myself after discovering the problem and deciding to fix it then rather than wait til morning.  As I was staring at the shelf, trying to pull myself together, the analogy hit. 
My shelf is broken.  I try to put stuff on it and it wobbles every which way.  I can't fix it without taking everything off and readjusting the shelf.  But, I'm also in the middle of a panic attack - any multiple step process is difficult. (ie look at the shelf, find an object, pick it up, put it on the floor/counter wherever)  I can't think when I'm like that.  So, I gradually, determinedly  clear the shelf away.
Next day, Wednesday, yesterday, I had a therapy session.  There was one event in particular I wanted to talk about, which we did, then my therapist started asking questions about when different things happened during the course of my 25 years and she wrote out a timeline.
That evening I realized what we did during that session was took everything off the shelf, so-to-speak.  Now I have to adjust the shelf!  Then, I can pile it all back in and the shelf will hold.  Sounds simple, but may still take a few years. 
~side note~ my sister is studying art in Italy and I'm so jealous!  I wish I were well and I wish I had money so I could go visit her.  We skyped on-line this morning.  I understood a lot of the Italian phrases she tossed in because of my background with Latin.  But my energy level is so low, even if I had the money, I'd be asleep most of the time and not get to see anything!!!!  Give me health and just enough wealth to go visit my sister!!!!