The Second Year

I have now made the adventure into the second year.....The second year without my son.  It is unbelievable to me that I have gone a year a long difficut time that I have not heard Ken's voice, that I have not seen Ken's wonderful smile,,I have   gone one  year without Ken have the change to learn, to grow, to share, to live in this world.
I wonder how I have survived the year.  I know I am different.  I am mostly sad. So I am sadly empty...having a void in my heart that nothing, no one can repair.
 
So I start the second year of Ken's passing.  Not yet  has all come out...not yet all has not been shared.  All I know at this time I still am missing my son so much!  I know that my life will never be the same.  
I do pray that there are other mom who do not experience the pain the you and I have traveled, yet we know there will be...let's just pray if they call on our group as usual we are there with open arns,
 As I type this I think of the pain many families are going through from the shootings that left many dead or in the hospital.  I remember one person commented about why the judge  decided to go there.  He went to give well wishes and today he is dead.  The person who said this seemed shock and I guess faced the reality of how short our lives can be.
It is sad as his voice trailed off "He was here yesterday...Today he is dead"
Reality of life hit all of us when we lost our child.  I think we get  where we think it won't happen to us, so we don't worry, yet in a moment for reasons unknown a life has be taken and now families suffer....It's very sad of the losses of these deaths this past weekend.....Senseless for someone, a stranger take a gun and wipe out so many people's lives and began so many sad days ahead for the families.
As we remember our days of sadness, let us not forget others who are just starting this horrible road that we travel and remember they need our support whether we ever see them or talk to them or they may never join our group, but we can still hold them close in our hearts as they begin the first days of this journey that we wish no one to travel.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Sending you hugs to help ease the sorrow we all feel everyday. xoxoxox Wendy
deleted_user
deleted_user

Love to you my dear friend, always thinking of others....Pat
oldruggy
oldruggy

Stay with it Sandi, they keep saying that things will get better with time and I will say that I now have more good days than during the first year.
KandL
KandL

Sandi, such a kind & compassionate reminder that some are just beginning their journey. Such a terrible tragedy in Arizona-. In 1 second your whole life changes. I hope the second year brings more peace & healing into your life. I am about 3 months ahead of you in entering my 2nd year without Eddie physically here. I have better days but still feel sad & empty too. But we push forward with the support here and we are doing ok, Sandi. Its going to take a lot of time to heal. Love to you and Kenny, Linda
JennsMom66
JennsMom66

The first year is beyond awful... the second year terrible.. the third year is still being written for me...
peace to you dear friend
MaryLou
heartsandhands
heartsandhands

such a thin line we walk... and we see others on the line. your compassion is a beautiful thing Sandi... I give thanks for you feeling the sorrow of so many. Kwan Yin is the goddess: \"She who hears the cries of the world.\" It\'s a heavy load to carry, a giant void to embrace... so let us also hold each other, and give thanks for anything gracious or good.
Love, Sarah
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Thank you for the reminder that we can reach out across the miles and time zones in many different ways. Prayers and positive affirmations are being said for all involved and it is such a poignant reminder of how fragile and precious life is. Love, Joanie
SusanLarson
SusanLarson

Sandi, I started my second year in November. I miss my Cindy so much too. I pray for the families & victims in Arizona, What a horrific event, Susan
deleted_user
deleted_user

The time just marches on and we wonder....how are we still here and why? I wondered that just as you have. Especially in the second year. I think that year was the hardest for me. I was very surprised that I was still alive. You are so thoughtful to think of others and their suffering. But I think that helps us to get through, knowing we have been through the same things and we are here to help those who are going through the same thing. Prayer for all helps, I believe. Hugs to you,
Carol
BinkyH
BinkyH

Like MaryLou said, the third year is being written for me, as well. Sandi, I have always compared us to geese, upholding each other and giving, as well as receiving, the strength to continue to fly. I have seen you come a long way and girl, you are flying! This second year may prove to harder for you as you begin to yearn for your son and accept the reality of his death. This is all part of the journey. But I pray that this second year is a year of healing for you. Hugs, Belinda