the row

I had the most awful row with my sister,which had nothing to do with what it was about,its as if the past few weeks of stress had reached a head,and all the pain and hurt and tears came flowing out,which I have held back for such a long time. 2 weeks ago I was invited to my other sisters anniversary party,and I knew I could not go,and felt so guilty having let her down,but I know how terrified I would have been. The stress building up to the event was so severe,that Im sure it brought on my IBS just shows how anxious I really was. Besides I hate parties and just know I would have hated being there. The sister I had the row with went on her own to it,again the guilt surrounded me but even she felt dreadful after having gone,so this made me even more releved with the decision I made not to go. But I feel such a failure and so very old,dont seem to acheive anything except I did  manage to go to the shop,but ended up buying loads of sweets and feeling guilty again. Guilt has hounded me all my life and it gets me down.Im having a rubbish day today.Last night I was toying with the idea of taking my life,like taking all my diabetic tablets to induce a coma or something,but that didnt happen. I thought that would teach my sister to be so nasty to me,but I couldnt go through with it this time.