the rollercoaster!
haven't been around for a while been on an emotional rollercoaster, had an appointment with neurologist in jun, he put me back on modafinil. so i settled back into the routine of regular meds. in august i realised my period was late so stopped meds straight away and made an appointment to see g.p. he confirmed i was pregnant and to stay off meds and take it easy. we were elated we've been trying for 5 yrs with 2 miscarraiges and were beginning to give up hope. we knew early miscarraige was a possibility so paul wrapped me in cotton wool and became a very overprotecting husband. i got to 9weeks and we started to tell people, we made the mistake of thinking i was past the danger zone. i even felt safe to go out so planned an excursion to town with my daughter for her last bits for the new school term. i got on the bus and just before i sat down the busdriver slammed on the breaks to avoid a collision, i fell into the seat and felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. i panicked but the pain subsided as quick as it had arrived. i rested for the rest of the day. i started bleeding the following day and lost the baby overnight. i tried not to cry as every time i did i'd collapse due to cataplexy. every time paul tried to talk to me i'd end up in a heap on the floor, so i started avoiding talking to him. which wasn't fair he was suffering just as much as me. i wanted to make him feel better but how could i when i felt so lousy myself. with the other miscarraiges they were in the 5th week so this time was much harder to deal with. that was 3weeks ago and we're still avoiding the issue. and i'm still avoiding all things pregnancy related. been to the g.p this morning and she's increased my modafinil, she wants me to go back if cataplexy doesn't improve. it won't improve til i pick myself up, and at the moment i don't feel as though i can.
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