The Road to Recovery

When I started cutting, it was my way to focuse on the pain instead of the pain inside of my heart. Eventually I stopped, and for most of my eigth grade I had stopped, but with the court date coming up I started to go back to old habbits. I had friends, parents, and teachers telling me to stop and trying to help me. But at the time I didn't want help. I wrote poetry,  really dark and depressing poems and I though that that would help me. Poetry did help, but only for a little bit, I need something more. I just didn't know what. The last week in school, I made a mental plan, and it was to not come back from my moms house, it was to kill myself. I told my friend on the night of my birthday, and she told me not to go though with it, and to think about all the people who will miss me. So over the eigth weeeks I have been with my mother, I have cut, then stopped cutting, not eaten nor drank, and almost atemped suicide. I am now one week clean, and I haven't thought about killing myself. I had told myself that I was better off not cutting and that cutting will destory my future life if I didn'y stop now. And thats what I did, I cut for the last time and then I threw away everything I had that was for cutting. The only thing I will have as a reminder of what I did to myself is the scars and memories. I keep telling myself that I will get better and I won't cut again. I have learn to be proud of my scars instead of being ashamed. I want to get better and i want to get rid of this demon inside of me. This demon that has made me feel the way I have. It feels good to be on the road of recorvery. Because we will all get though this.