The Road Less Traveled

I have shared that my mom died very suddenly from a brain aneurysm a week before her 63rd birthday. She was brought up to be a housewife and a mom.  She was also brought up with a great church presence as her father was church superintendent. They were so active that she would miss only 2 weeks of Sunday school from age 2 months to age 18. She would have a younger sister and baby brother so I think she may have felt the need to always "be the good girl" and set that good example. 

Then she met my dad. He would wind up getting a weekend pass for them to elope to another state without telling either set of parents. She was 2 months pregnant.  (Ironically enough my dad's parents had to do the exact same thing. ) I truly believe that did put some shame and guilt on them both.  Mom would go on to be the best mom she could, always doing and caring for all those around her.  Everyone loved her . Sadly dad rarely helped her or even backed her up. 

I believe Dad not only felt guilty about the shotgun wedding, but I was told his 1 aunt actually told him that if his parents did not have to, they never would have gotten together. Combine that with the fact his father was not very demonstrative or affectionate he felt he forced that unhappy life upon them both.  Dad did drink too much ( as well as my aunt's husband and quite a few others in both sides of my family. 

I always say everything happens for a reason and I firmly believe that. I have many memories from the time Mom died til Dad got that final DUI that forced him into counseling.All of them very bad.  But at that time they suggested my older sister and I go to a counseling session to learn more about alcoholism (addictions) My older brother was out of state and my younger brother  had recovered from a bad accident but they felt he would not be interested . (They were right.)  After the session they suggested I attend a brand new in patient treatment program that is for ACOAs .  It was at Chit Chat  (started by the Caron Foundation)

That road was put in front of me because they saw just how "screwed up"  (OK, how about in need of help?) I was. There I would learn so many things. It was as if they had a key that unlocked my life of chaos and a vivid description of each and every member of my family. There are so many of us out there , yet so many will never understand why we are the way we are . When I got out I tried to share some of my new found knowledge with my sister and eventually brothers. Basically I think most of it fell on deaf ears. I sometimes get emotional (angry, sad) because they don't even care.

To this day I speak of it with anyone I feel will benefit from a few simple words. Some people do realize these things eventually on their own, whether they be simple things to reach out to another lonely soul or to assure another sharing experiences from their dysfunctional childhood or family that I do get it.

WHY do some of us find that strength to continue to seek out our path and move forward?  It seems to me that so many opt to just stay miserable and blame others... or continue the cycle and addiction to disguise their problems.  It kills me when those I care about   are on such a self destructive path. I know I can't lead that horse to water.     

Here on DS I think many of us are lucky to be on that road (in my mind less traveled since far more should know ) of discovery and sharing our knowledge and strengths.   I am very grateful to you all for being a part of my journey.  
Thanks, Kim