The Revival
Spring semester of 2016, really took a toll on me. It was the second semester of my freshman year of college and I was hoping for the best, but I clearly fooled myself. I met this guy through some friends I made here at school. They had known him since high school so I trusted him based off of what they said. One day he asked to come over and I let him which I regretted later that night. So we talk about stuff we like to do and tell each other more about each other then he asked to kiss me and I let him. One thing kind of led to another, but I did not want to actually have intercourse with him. I should have been more straightforward with him and had a serious tone but I recall telling him no at least three times before it actually happened. Everything was done and I just laid there because I was pretty much paralyzed from what just happened. How hard is it to understand a word that only has two letters? How hard is it t understand that I was not into it? SO when it was over he asked me if I was okay and I lied and said I was then he left. I texted him as soon as he left and told him that it should've never happened and he pretty much told me that "shit happens." I sat there for at least 20 minutes in that same position with my face planted on my bed in tears. I couldn't believe what just happened and I still cant... the worst part about it is the mess it caused afterwards. I told one of the girls I was friends with that I didnt want to do that with him and she tried her best to comfort me but how do you even cope with that? I felt as if I betrayed my friends because one of them used to kind of have a thing with him and I told her but I didnt tell her everything because I didnt want her to think that I wads lying. I eventually told her and she told the rest of our small friend group and we had a sit down and I felt as if everyone was attacking me, but then again it is my fault because I didnt share the WHOLE story. I didnt tell them that I didnt want it. I didnt tell them that i repearedly said no I didnt know what to consider it? I wasnt too sure if I was raped or not and I still dont know. I just hate that it brought back some bad childhood memories and I feel as if I cant even cope anymore...
Replies
Yes he raped you. No means no, nothing should've happened. Are you in counseling? If not you may want to do that as this is very traumatic to try to deal with all alone. There's a website called rainn.org too that can help you get through this. Be gentle with yourself and always remember it wasn't your fault. Sending big hugs!
I did group counseling for women at my school, but I never talked about it because it makes me too emotional, but I had one session with a counselor and discussed it but never went back to one on one sessions and thank you.
To Unicorn Tears, we can help. As part of the national movement RH Anonymous, I may not be able to get him a legal sentence, but if you know the identity of your attacker, that's more than enough to get retribution. Rape is rape, and RH Anonymous believes that strongly. We write anonymous letters to the assailant's closest friends and family, letting them know just what the assailant has done. We inform everyone involved that the victim is under legal protection under statutes in the Witness Protection Program, so the victim doesn't bear any further aggression.
It may not get you legal results, but it may bring you peace of mind, and you'll be part of the movement to deconstruct Rape Culture. If you or anyone else wants to contact me for more information, you can do so anonymously: download the free app Wickr and send a message to: nathanfields. Wickr is 100% anonymous; all messages are encrypted and then deleted after 24 hours. Talk soon. -Nate
It is rape. I'm sorry you went through this. That sit down sounds like it wasn't helpful. I would tell those you trust the whole story one on one. If you are feeling attacked once the whole story is out that person will not be a support. Know that some people would rather continue to believe what they think of a person than see the truth. Sounds like you have some good friends so stick with those who are willing to see the truth and be supportive.