the RETURN

I wonder  how or what triggers a relapse of Bipolar I. Sure, I've followed all the doctor's prescriptions and had a counselor for yrs (and all the other supports)...AND God knows I've begged him.... time and again, for relief. In my twenties I went through ten years of pain... real suffering.. because of Bipolar I.  Then I went to Mass General in Boston and they helped me with meds, therapy, AND I finally was in a position......it was time....to move out.   That was 1991 and I returned to work (it had been about 7yrs since I had held a job) and, surprisingly, went back to college and got an associates degree in OT.  Around 2001, however, things started to gradually go south again and, today, I'm basically back where I was during the 1980s.  This is really not about me complaining (although maybe it sounds that way). It's about the acknowledgement that, for whatever reasons, for whatever purposes, I beleive God has allowed this illness to RETURN. Now, any good bible beleiving "Chiristian" knows that God doesn't desire suffering!!  LOL LOL  ... I say to that. Look at Job. Look at Joseph and how his bro's sold him into slavery. Heckk.... if God doesn't allow.. or even desire suffering... then why did He let Jesus hang on a cross (broken and bloody)???  I don't really know. I beleive, however, that what is BAD and unbearable now is just a forward to the GOOD and peace that is to come in my life... and in YOURS too. I believe this. I stake my life on it. Why?  Because, when you really think about it, in the end, what really matters? When we're all dead and buried if there's really a God and a Heaven and "all that jazz" then He certainly knows alot more than I do about suffering. He's got a reason for it and I see that reason as always.... eventually.... bringing GOOD and HEALING to self and, especially... others... like you who read this. I am suffering now... alot.  ... but I say to all of you... BE ENCOURAGED... it has a purpose...your weariness and your despair is nothing compared to the peace and joy that will come. Be of good courage and strong patience! Life is a marathon and it's not how we cross the finish line.. rather, just that we do, in fact, cross that finish line. Your suffering, your illness is not in vain. God sees you and He will not abandon you... ever. Luv you all....Pete