The reality when Im Sundowning
The reality when I’m Sundowning
It’s just 4-30pm as the sun starts descending over the horizon when lethargy takes a grasp of me and the Sundowning affect tolls the knell of my end of day… so I’m writing this down trying to express the depths of my ‘true inner feelings’ at that exact moment in time.
My whole body aches as the muscles try to maintain some equilibrium… and as we go for our walk every faltering step I take being like that of wearing shoes made from concrete that’s slowly setting and intensifying in weight, so I weigh heavily on my walking stick and Sumi’s arm otherwise I feel I could just pass out from utter exhaustion as my mind is consumed in a dense cloud of disorientation and confusion, my limbs are trembling so much I don’t know what to do with them to ease the tremor… my vision has become blurred as my eyes feel heavy wanting to sleep and escape from the sun’s draining sensation, so Sumi tries talking to me to take my mind of the horizon as my eyes have become mesmerized following the sun’s descent and harsh rays… but I cant comprehend what she’s saying, I try to reply but any form of words and speech are held tight within me so all I do is mumble something incoherent which then makes me frustrated and I become really irritated and tetchy with her, the slightest little noise is more like thunderbolts slamming into my ears and mind making me very anxious and extremely jumpy.
The further the sun sinks away… the further I go into despair of doom and gloom… and sometimes it gets me to the point of saying to Sumi (I’ve had enough of this… maybe it would be better if it all ended now… and I did not wake up again) as I can almost sense death waiting round the corner taunting me when in this daily living hell of Sundowning, I can see the tears glistening and running down her cheeks as she holds on more tightly to me saying ‘please don’t speak like that’ but I seem to be oblivious to her own anguish as my whole being is so distraught by the time of day that I just want to come to an end.
As I said those where my exact feelings made from notes last evening, but as I type them out this morning I have little recollection of that moment in time… it’s as if it never existed… as this morning I feel a completely different person still full of determination and the spirit of fighting this terrible illness, but when Sundowning strikes it takes us into a completely different world of anxiety within dementia.
Barry…
http://www.simplesite.com/BarrysAlzheimers
It’s just 4-30pm as the sun starts descending over the horizon when lethargy takes a grasp of me and the Sundowning affect tolls the knell of my end of day… so I’m writing this down trying to express the depths of my ‘true inner feelings’ at that exact moment in time.
My whole body aches as the muscles try to maintain some equilibrium… and as we go for our walk every faltering step I take being like that of wearing shoes made from concrete that’s slowly setting and intensifying in weight, so I weigh heavily on my walking stick and Sumi’s arm otherwise I feel I could just pass out from utter exhaustion as my mind is consumed in a dense cloud of disorientation and confusion, my limbs are trembling so much I don’t know what to do with them to ease the tremor… my vision has become blurred as my eyes feel heavy wanting to sleep and escape from the sun’s draining sensation, so Sumi tries talking to me to take my mind of the horizon as my eyes have become mesmerized following the sun’s descent and harsh rays… but I cant comprehend what she’s saying, I try to reply but any form of words and speech are held tight within me so all I do is mumble something incoherent which then makes me frustrated and I become really irritated and tetchy with her, the slightest little noise is more like thunderbolts slamming into my ears and mind making me very anxious and extremely jumpy.
The further the sun sinks away… the further I go into despair of doom and gloom… and sometimes it gets me to the point of saying to Sumi (I’ve had enough of this… maybe it would be better if it all ended now… and I did not wake up again) as I can almost sense death waiting round the corner taunting me when in this daily living hell of Sundowning, I can see the tears glistening and running down her cheeks as she holds on more tightly to me saying ‘please don’t speak like that’ but I seem to be oblivious to her own anguish as my whole being is so distraught by the time of day that I just want to come to an end.
As I said those where my exact feelings made from notes last evening, but as I type them out this morning I have little recollection of that moment in time… it’s as if it never existed… as this morning I feel a completely different person still full of determination and the spirit of fighting this terrible illness, but when Sundowning strikes it takes us into a completely different world of anxiety within dementia.
Barry…
http://www.simplesite.com/BarrysAlzheimers
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