The Real World

It has been a while since I wrote a journal...the days pass quickly by.  I guess I am in a place of frustration with the "slowness" of recovery.  I want to be debt-free NOW.  I want to have enough money to retire on and go travel the world....YEAH RIGHT!   I think what is happening is that I am facing the real world.  I am seeing the results of the choices I've made over the last few years.  I am paying the price.  The dream world I lived in during the last few years....that world where I could just "go play"  and nothing bad would happen and "I'll worry about that later"  has fallen to dust.   I am standing there in this pile of dust and realizing I have a lot of work and struggle and permanent consequences to face.   If I had started saving instead when I started  gambling....I would be debt free now on my way to financial security.  It is not good to dwell forever in a place of regret.....but I have to move through and face the regret, face the consequences,  to avoid going there again and to move on to another place. I feel a bit like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix waking up from the dream world generated by the machines to find that reality is a lot more gritty and serious than the dream world...I have a lot of work and a hard fight to fight.  Just like in the movie, the machines still beckon to go back to the dream....the dream covers the reality of slavery to the machines.....and a choice must be made...... I've made the choice to face reality.  That doesn't make it easy. I am facing some challenges in my business right now that really knocked the wind out of me a couple of days ago.  For a couple of minutes.....I almost thought I might gamble over it.  I was going to a party in a hotel and there is a casino next door...I almost walked in.... Then I realized that there is no setback or disappointment that gambling would help.  I need ME to be present and not lost in some gambling dream world to face life.  I need ALL my resources; time, money, and especially confidence and pride in myself to overcome the obstacles that come my way. NO WAY, NO HOW, NO GAMBLING