THE PHONE CALL
Exactly 3 years ago today the phone rang, "is this Jason's mom?" "Yes it is". "YOUR SON IS DEAD". Those 4 words changed my life forever and stole all my future joy and happiness. They echo in my mind every single day and I cannot erase them from my memory. The caller was a woman calling from the hospital and her bedside manner was greatly lacking. Jason was in Florida visiting friends and they found him slumped over in his car dying from a brain hemmorage. The nurse later told me the doctors had worked on Jason for 5 hours trying to bring him back, but he finally let go when his angel came to escort him to Heaven.
The next few days were such a blur that I didn't have time to really grieve for my son.........Making arrangements to bring him home, choosing a casket, cemetery, burial plot, headstone, etc. etc.........family (I have 7 brothers and 3 sisters) and friends arriving in town, neighbors and Jasons friends dropping by (Spring break was happening and all of Jason's friends and classmates were home from college). My husband was inconsolable....I had to call our family Pastor to come by and help him cope with the loss.
Somehow, I have felt cheated these last 3 years that I didn't take enough time to sit with Jason in the funeral home, and hold him and touch him more than I did. There were so many people coming and going that I regret not being alone with him more. I try to make up for this by visiting his gravesite several times a month, and have found some peace and comfort in doing this.
People say time heals, but it does not - it only enables you to learn to live with the sadness and the loss. There is no healing. Life goes on, but the sadness is never far away.
To be continued.......
The next few days were such a blur that I didn't have time to really grieve for my son.........Making arrangements to bring him home, choosing a casket, cemetery, burial plot, headstone, etc. etc.........family (I have 7 brothers and 3 sisters) and friends arriving in town, neighbors and Jasons friends dropping by (Spring break was happening and all of Jason's friends and classmates were home from college). My husband was inconsolable....I had to call our family Pastor to come by and help him cope with the loss.
Somehow, I have felt cheated these last 3 years that I didn't take enough time to sit with Jason in the funeral home, and hold him and touch him more than I did. There were so many people coming and going that I regret not being alone with him more. I try to make up for this by visiting his gravesite several times a month, and have found some peace and comfort in doing this.
People say time heals, but it does not - it only enables you to learn to live with the sadness and the loss. There is no healing. Life goes on, but the sadness is never far away.
To be continued.......
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