The Person I am

Since growing up and hitting my teen years, my life took a dramatic turn for the worse. As a pre-teen and teenager, I was picked on a lot in school, which in turn made me feel bad about myself and I found myself being depressed a lot more than usual. A few years passed by and I'm diagnosed with PCOS and find out that it may cause problems with having a baby, this threw me into more of a sense of depression, now I hate myself even more. Here I am today, looking back over my life and seeing how certain events have shaped who I am. I’m not the once happy person I used to be, I am more angry, and more jealous than I have ever been, I am not a positive person anymore, I tend to look at the negative sides of things, because I hate getting my hopes only to have them dashed away.
 Another big change has been my religious beliefs, I was raised to go to church every Sunday and to pray, now I find myself not believing in anything anymore. I don't go to church and I don't pray anymore.   I have become the person that I never thought I would become. Being picked on and dealing with infertility has taken a toll on my life. Since my fiancé left me, I feel like now, I have no direction in life, I feel confused as to what I really want, for myself, I am getting older and feel like life is passing me by and I haven't accomplished anything. The goals I have set for myself I feel as though that I cannot attain them. I hate feeling this way; I hate feeling like I'm in this black hole, which I cannot get out of.   Why is this my life, why are things this way for me, I was a very nice person with a good heart, now I'm always angry and depressed. I can’t live my life like this.